


Help Me Polarize

by datasymphony



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety/Anxiety attacks, Happy Ending, M/M, Suicide Attempt, its def got some triggering things so watch out and stay safe my frens!, theres fluff yes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-04-06 02:25:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4204455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datasymphony/pseuds/datasymphony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh Dun is an anxiety-riddled teen who Tyler's never met before. Tyler is a semi-popular basketball kid who seems perfect.<br/>Josh has a little(big) crush on Tyler. The problem is, Tyler's got a girlfriend - and no clue who Josh is.<br/>That is, until they get tied together by a single, innocent biology assignment and a certain Brendon Urie who has his heart set on the two becoming a 'thing', and Tyler finds himself being drawn into Josh's own world of crazy friends, music and darkness.<br/>Joshler high school A/U. (Forgive me if I mess it up - I'm unfamiliar with how American high schools work!!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**hey all! first fanfic! theres some homophobic language in this chapter!**

** i hope you all enjoy! **

* * *

Tyler draped one lazy arm around Jenna Black’s shoulder and pulled her under his shoulder as he arrived to school that day, eager to show off his ‘dime-piece girlfriend’, as he so eloquently put it, to his friends and peers. She giggled softly and pecked his cheek as he did so and he squeezed her gently, flashing a gentle smile down at her. Good God, she was pretty, a few strands of blonde hair straying across her flawless features as her eyes crinkled slightly when she smiled back at Tyler.

He stuck his tongue out at her teasingly, escorting her towards her locker which was oh so conveniently only two down from his own.   
“Taking me to my locker, are you? What a gentleman,” she smiled, looking up at him with soft eyes and a faint smirk playing across her features. Tyler grinned enthusiastically, bowing to her in an exaggerated sweep and pulling her locker open before she could.

“Always, my fair Jenna,” he returned, “I’m kind, handsome _and_ a gentleman. What a catch.”   
“Stop puffing out your chest, you loser,” she laughed, no real weight to her words as she slung her bag into her small locker from over one shoulder. “And get your stuff or you’ll be late for class!”

“Yes, madam. See you second period,” Tyler replied, bowing a second time and pressing a soft, quick kiss on her perfect lips, relishing in his ability to do so _because they were a_ thing _now_. 

He retreated to his own locker, Jenna watching him fondly as he did so, to be met by his excited group of friends. 

“Man, you and Jenna? A thing?” Jack queried loudly, staring at Tyler with an impressed look in his eyes, catching the attention of a few nearby students. Tyler laughed and nodded, elbowing him slightly with a half-hearted chastise of “read your texts, dude.”

“Well, yeah, but that was the start of summer break. I didn’t think it would last, I mean, _look at her,_ man!” Alex elbowed him, snorting, and responded, “Don’t write Tyler off that easily! What he means to say is congrats, Ty. It’s not his fault, his trip to the Caribbean has frazzled his brain. The heat, you know?” he teased, tapping Jack’s head with a grin.

He, Jack, Alex, Dallon and Rian all exchanged talk of their holidays and fun times spent heartily, then scattered to their classes at the sound of the bell. Tyler hurriedly grabbed his books, then raced down the corridor to his biology class. He did _not_ want to be late and face the wrath of Mr. Keys, who was easily the harshest and most unfair teacher in the whole _school_ , as far as Tyler was concerned, not to mention one who was all too eager to give out Friday detentions to people who weren’t following strict school rule. Tyler shuddered at the embarrassing memories of last school year, where he’d been scolded in front of his sniggering classmates for a good ten minutes for showing up halfway through the class. _It had been important_ , Tyler defended to himself, he had things to write which were much more important than _school_ _papers_.

He skidded into class just behind of Mr. Keys himself, who flashed him a harsh look as if to say ‘next time’, which Tyler responded to by glaring him down when he reached for the doorknob.

Tyler settled down into his seat with a _whumph_ , immediately dumping his books onto his desk and pulling from the pile a small, black notebook which was tattered at it’s edges. He ran his thumb absentmindedly over the smooth, black covering as Mr. Keys launched into an explanation of a semester partner project, and found his mind wandering to the most recent addition to the little book that he’d made just last night. Song lyrics - well, more like poetry right now, but Tyler digressed - and ones that most definitely needed to be cleaned up. Maybe he could do that now? He really doubted anyone would be reading over his shoulder - it’s not like anyone would try to copy off him, everyone knew basketball was his strong point, not academics - and it wouldn’t hurt to bring down the walls of his façade of a cool, semi-popular kid in a class with none of his close friends in it. His hand drifted slowly towards his tiny pencil case, already itching to free the demons in his head and give them room to breathe on the yellowed pages, when-

“Tyler Joseph and Joshua Dun.”

Tyler snapped to attention at the sound of his name, hurriedly slamming the notebook shut and tossing it to his pile of books. He glanced around awkwardly - he had totally zoned out, admittedly, and hadn’t a clue who this Dun kid was. He’d heard his name fleetingly before, sure, but never put the name to a face. Why was he even called out in conjunction with Tyler? He blinked as the teacher continued to reel of names in pairs, staring almost dazedly at the whiteboard which contained a messy scrawl about biology - something about organs? 

“Uh…um…hey,” a voice stammered meekly from behind him. Tyler turned and found himself face to face with a tall, lanky kid staring at the floor very awkwardly. Fleetingly Tyler let a ghost of a smile flicker across his face - the boy had bright and clearly dyed red hair hidden underneath an army-print snapback, with piercings in his ears and a mostly-black attire, _not to mention_ skinny jeans. He looked like the epitome of ‘punk-rock youth’, but his attitude at a glance did not match at all. 

“H-hello…?” the boy tried again, shoving his hands into his black hoodie’s pockets and shrinking slightly into his frame. “I’m Josh… we’re…we’re supposed to be working on this project together, y-yeah? Tyler?”   
Tyler suddenly realised he had been staring wordlessly at Josh, taking his appearance in. He fought off a blush - strange, why on earth would Tyler be blushing over someone, _especially_ over a boy - and broke into a half-hearted smile. 

“Hey Josh, I’m Tyler,” he began, interrupted by Josh’s soft ‘I know’, “and yeah, I heard. Go grab your stuff and come sit with me so we can plan it out.” Josh smiled back rather shyly and turned on one heel. Tyler turned back to his pile of books and rearranged them so his little notebook was safely hidden under his maths textbook.   
“Oh, shit,” he cursed quietly as he sifted through his books. He sighed and slumped back in his chair slightly - not even ten minutes into the Monday school day and he already wanted to go home. “I brought the wrong books.”

“If you want, we can share mine…” Josh’s nervous voice reappeared next to Tyler and Tyler turned to see him sit down heavily in the chair next to his, books scattering across the small desk. Tyler nodded his agreement and Josh handed him his book and shuffled a little closer to Tyler’s desk in his chair so they could both read it. Tyler couldn’t help noticing the way Josh’s hands shook faintly, fingers twitching over the paper as he thumbed through the textbook. His gaze trailed up his arm to Josh’s face. His head was turned away from Tyler and Tyler followed his gaze to where _Brendon fucking Urie_ sat near the back of the classroom, shrugging helplessly with a devilish smirk written across his face as Josh mouthed something to him, looking rather desperate. How did Tyler not know Josh if he hang out with Brendon Urie? The guy was a legend - easily one of the most popular kids in the entire community across all high schools - and well known for being the local stoner of the school. If you wanted weed, well, you went straight to Urie. He brushed away his confusion and slight awe of the situation and returned his attention to Josh.

“So, uh, the assignment?” Tyler prompted, causing Josh to turn back to face him, crimson hair threatening to fall in messy, loose strands from under his cap. Tyler felt his heart skip a beat and the fleeting thought crossed his mind of ‘that is the exact definition of cute’. _What the hell? I’m not gay - and I have Jenna,_ he chastised himself, a rush of confusion and denial simultaneously coursing through his mind as Josh leaned over his desk and started dragging his index finger across the page.

“So I was thinking, uh, I was th-thinking that um…we could maybe do it on the h-heart, yeah? If that’s okay with you, with you that is…” Josh stuttered, Tyler noticing with a pang of sympathy that he was shaking like a leaf in the wind. This kid must have some real bad anxiety, or something. Tyler felt a wave of pity for Josh’s nerves - sure, Tyler got anxious at night when he had nobody else to talk to and nothing to distract him from _thinking_ , but he couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to feel like that _all_ the time.

“Uh, yeah, the heart, right…” Tyler replied smoothly, following Josh’s finger on the page, trying to hide the fact he hadn’t been listening at all while the teacher had been explaining the assignment. “What, exactly, are we doing on the heart again? Just remind me.” Josh looked up at him and Tyler followed suit, quickly noticing how Josh seemed to be trying to hold back a smile.

“You… weren’t listening at all, w-were you?” Josh’s stammer broke off into a soft, warm laugh and after a moment’s hesitation Tyler giggled as well, as good a confession of guilt as any. 

“Well, we have to create a multimedia presentation on-n a major organ w-with our partner…our partner, which is y-you and I over the semester and there’s no class time so we have to work on it at either one of our homes in our own time and it’s w-worth, I don’t know but Mr Keys said a _hefty amount_ and y-yeah.” The nervous, stammering speech came out as a jumbled mess near the end as Josh rushed to finish his sentence and broke eye contact with Tyler yet again, instead choosing to stare at his black converse which scuffed the ground rhythmically. 

Tyler nodded both his understanding and his agreement, feeling another strong pang of pitiful sympathy for the boy. Josh kept shaking, kept glancing around and shuffling closer to his desk, keeping his head low, seemingly desperate not to be seen by anyone. Tyler had a sudden urge to get to know Josh - there must be something more to him than this quivering teenager trying to avoid the attention of everyone, as nobody dyed their hair such an unnatural colour and pierced their ears as a way of not being noticed, normally it was the opposite, in fact. Not that Tyler thought it looked bad, though, again it was quite the opposite. Tyler blinked, again he was idolising this boy’s looks… _Tyler_ wasn’t _gay._ Homosexuality was a _sin._ That’s what his dad had always said.

 

The hour ended surprisingly quickly - the class had been given this lesson and this lesson only for planning out their projects, and Tyler had quickly become enraptured with the way Josh spoke when the stammering finally made it’s way out of his tone as he relaxed around Tyler’s presence. But - he wasn’t enraptured in any way that was _gay_ , no, Tyler just… liked his voice. A lot. It reminded him of honey and silk… but again _not in a gay way at all, right_?His face heated as he gathered his books up, notebook slipping snugly into his pocket, and began to make his way out of the class.

“Wait!”

Tyler paused and turned. There was Josh, holding out a small slip of lined paper he’d torn from his book, with something scrawled neatly in blue pen. Tyler took it, sending a quizzical glance towards Josh as he did so.

“It’s my number,” Josh explained. Tyler stared at him for a moment, his face turning a slight shade of pink as he recalled all the rather admittedly non-straight thoughts he’d had about Josh during the class. Josh’s reaction, however, was much more comical. His face flushed crimson and he waved his arms rather frantically, books threatening to spill out from his grip.

“N-not like that! I just meant-meant that we could call one a-another and organise times t-t-to work on the project, yeah?” Tyler’s face softened because _Josh was just so damn cute_ , and he giggled. Cute in a friendship way, though. Platonic friendship. That’s all.

“I know, I know,” he waved Josh’s panic off with a reassuring smile and tucked Josh’s number safely in with his notebook in his front pocket. “See you around, Josh.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a bit of self harm and a lot of anxiety in this chapter, be warned. josh is an anxious fluffball. thanks for all the kind words on the last chapter, i didn't expect such a positive response <33 enjoy.

“Oh my God, Brendon, I’m fucked,” Josh moaned pathetically, head falling into his hands as he slumped in defeat. Brendon cackled loudly, laughing but not unsympathetic as he gently slapped Josh’s back where he sat. The two were in the music room, along with the rest of their group, avoiding the crowds in the cafeteria through lunch. 

“He was just so… perfect, y’know? And I was just a nervous wreck, my anxiety got _so_ bad, man, I couldn’t stop shaking and he was so cool with it a-and-” Brendon cut him off by grabbing his hand suddenly, forcing Josh to look at him. Josh registered the mischievous look in his eye with a thrill of horror as Brendon’s face split into a grin.   
“Don’t you worry, Jishwa,” he proclaimed, pulling himself up in a fluid motion and dragging Josh’s limp arm along with him, forcing Josh to stand too. “I’m making it my personal mission to get the two of you together, I promise you here and now! Brendon Urie never fails!” Josh blinked slowly, battling off the weak smile that was threatening to appear on his mouth.

“Actually, you failed history last year,” Patrick sighed, the exasperated smile clear in his voice from where he leant with Pete against one faded beige wall.

“And you don’t even know if Tyler swings that way,” added Frank from behind a drum kit, Gerard echoing his agreement from his space on Frank’s lap.

“Not to mention I heard he’s got a girlfriend, Beebo. Him and Jenna Black have been dating since the start of summer break, apparently,” finished Ryan. Josh groaned dramatically and miserably, Tyler Joseph was so impossibly out of his league and range it wasn’t even fair - and now, to top it all off, he was going to be working with the very same long-term crush for the whole next semester. Just his luck. 

“Girlfriend, schmirlfriend, what fucking _ever_ ,” Brendon drawled confidently, “he could easily be bi, or pan or anything. Or denying the inner gay - you know how those overly religious types are! Either way, Joshua Dun, _you_ are going to steal that boy’s heart away, I just know it!” His smile softened, and he turned to face Josh, reaching up to fix Josh’s slightly askew snapback with one hand. “Josh, you know you’re a keeper. You’ve had the same crush for _years_ now, for fucks sake, I think you deserve something in return, am I right?” Josh looked at him mournfully, disappointment etched in his deep brown eyes, and Brendon sighed.

“I’ll admit, your first meeting with Tyler was _not_ meant to be so forced. But you two really hit it off, I could _see_ it. In fact…don’t you worry! Brendon Urie is _on the case_!” Brendon flourished, arms going to his hips as he assumed what Josh thought to be a superhero pose. Pete laughed at his bravo, but didn’t add anything else.

With that speech, Brendon exited the room in a flurry, long limbs carrying him hastily towards some unknown and seemingly important somewhere. Josh watched him go helplessly, feeling suddenly very out-of-his-depth. Josh wasn’t one to have relationship crises - he had a hard enough time not panicking over his own _friendships_ , let alone stupid crushes on stupid _adorable_ boys like Tyler Joseph. 

Josh backed into a corner furthest away from the door, thoughts suddenly taking a turn for the worse, crashing, and _burning_. He could feel his heartbeat start to quicken and his breaths started to feel shallow. Oh no. He started shaking more prominently now, and dazedly sat back down, trying to calm his suddenly racing heart and nerves. 

_Oh fuck, you idiot what are you doing you’re a loser why are you even bothering_ calm deep breaths Josh, deep breaths Josh, _relax._ He could feel himself shaking almost wildly now despite his best efforts. He felt suddenly nauseous, sick to the stomach and somewhere in his mind the thought crossed his mind that he should go hide away in a bathroom stall and maybe vomit a bit until this all passed over but his legs felt weak and shaky, just like they always did in times like these. Josh _hated_ himself with extra fervour at times like this, when his anxiety oh so quickly consumed his mind and body, so easily taking away what control he had. Control. He subconsciously raised his left arm and thumbed his right wrist through his hoodie. _That_ gave him a sense of control. Those ugly, red lines gave him the control he so desperately needed right now. If he just pulled a little he could probably make them bleed…

Instantly, Josh felt a warm, smaller hand pulling his own hand away from his wrist gently, taking up his right hand too in a surprisingly comforting gesture, not phased by Josh’s now-fiercely shivering hands.   
“Josh, calm down. Breathe.”   
It was Gerard, his voice quiet and soft, almost like a whisper against Josh’s screaming, anxiety riddled thoughts. He felt the gentle tug as Gerard pulled - well, more like encouraged - Josh up from his huddle in the corner and began to lead him out of the room and let himself be guided, focusing only on controlling himself enough not to start hyperventilating or crying like a madman or a bratty kid who’d dropped his ice cream on a hot day. A familiar routine for Josh, and for Gerard too. For any of his friends, really. Some days it was Gerard leading him to that same bathroom to calm down, some days it was Frank, some days it was Brendon. That was what made their friendships so special, Josh reflected with a weak smile despite his shaking form. They were all broken in some way or another, so they all looked out for one another. Josh couldn’t help but thinking he was a little _too_ broken, to the point of being a nuisance, a _lot_ , although his friends never seemed to mind how his anxiety disabled him in so many situations. _They probably hated it though. Hated it and hated me_ , Josh thought bitterly and wildly.

“Josh,” Gerard spoke, and Josh snapped out of his daze to realise they were now in a bathroom stall. He reeled back, threatening to trip backwards, but Gerard caught him and steadying him quickly by grabbing his wrists. Josh couldn’t help wincing at the touch, and Gerard didn’t miss it for even a moment, either, quickly closing the toilet and gesturing for Josh to sit down, which he did gratefully, legs practically giving way as his breath loudened and shook raggedly in his lungs.

“Josh, you’ve been cutting again.”  
Not an accusation, not a question, a statement. Josh nodded brokenly, whispering vague apologies amongst choked sobs.

“I-I-I… I know I p-promised you and…and everyo-one that I w-would stop b-b-but…I need it…I n-need it,” Josh insisted, tripping over words and cradling his arms close to his chest miserably. He felt so far from being _in-control_ right now. He needed more control, that was what he really wanted, he didn’t want the anxiety choking his mind like a black shadow and taking over his body, he wanted to be _in control_. He wasn’t, though. He was so far from it…

“Josh, relax, it’s okay, nobody is going to be mad at you,” Gerard insisted softly, tone calm but firm and reassuring, gently prying Josh’s arm away from his chest. “Do you mind if I look at your wrists?” Josh nodded again, slowly loosening his tense arms and allowing Gerard to roll one sleeve of his sweatshirt up, wincing slightly as the fabric slid across the fresh, raw, angry red cuts decorating his wrist. Gerard’s face scrunched as he slid out of the stall to wet some toilet paper, returning moments later to dab carefully at the jagged lines with the damp paper, fingers tracing gently over old scars as he inspected the new ones.  
“This third one is pretty deep, Josh,” hummed Gerard, “I worry about you. We all do - I know you’re trying but we care, you know?” Josh murmured his agreement, blurry, tear-riddled eyes darting from Gerard’s face to his bare wrists, shame and guilt rushing to join his swirl of anxious thought. 

“I-I’m sorry, Gee, I c-couldn’t h-h-help it…I…I n-needed control,” Josh replied forlornly, slowly taking the hem of his sleeve between shaking fingers and pulling it back over the ugly marks. 

“It’s alright, Josh. You’re going to be fine, we’ve got you. Talk to us whenever, alright?” 

 

The ten minutes it took for him to calm down from his panic attack felt like years to Josh. Gerard hadn’t left his spot in the bathroom alongside him once in that time - not that any of his friends ever had, but Josh always half expected them to be scared off or even annoyed of his anxiety attacks - and only once Josh had wiped the last of his tears did the two move, silently trudging back to join their friends in the music room once again. Josh walked in slowly, red eyes fixed on the floor directly ahead, when he suddenly heard a voice which made his heart stop.

“Uh…is this a bad time?”

Josh glanced up from the floor in shock. Tyler Joseph stood tense next to Brendon, staring at Josh with what seemed to be discomfort and a strange mix of pity. He opened his mouth to talk again but Brendon hushed him and Gerard murmured quietly, “anxiety attack, B. He’s been doing _it_ again.” Brendon’s dark eyes softened with sympathy as he glanced back at Josh, who had shoved his hands nervously into his hoodie’s front pocket, wishing for all the world that the floor would just swallow him up and let him disappear. Tyler was staring at him still, so intensely that he swore he could _feel_ the dark brown eyes burning into his. He moved his gaze away quickly, anywhere but in Tyler’s direction, anything to avoid that pitiful, curious look that adorned his face. There was a moment of awkward silence before Brendon quickly broke it, turning back to Tyler with a less-manic-than-usual grin.   
“Sorry, Tyler, this is probably not the best way to get acquainted with my friend Jishwa, but I suggest you stay with us anyway. I haven’t even introduced everyone yet! How else will you get to know the gang, right?” Brendon smiled and Josh heard Patrick sigh again, yet the mood had already been lifted considerably by Brendon’s wild, seemingly indistinguishable high-spirits. Josh knew that the low, awkward feel was his fault in the first place, and bitterly took a seat in a corner next to a box of what seemed to be drum sticks, only half paying attention as Brendon spoke.

“This is Patrick, Patrick Stump. Sure, he’s not very stylistically inclined but he’s smart as hell,” Brendon smirked, ignoring Patrick’s indignant protest and comment about how _fedoras were cool_ , “and he’s fun and hilarious and all that jazz. Oh, and next to him’s his boyfriend Pete Wentz - I’m sure you know Pete, everyone does. Cool guy. Although,” Brendon added with a devilish grin, “I’m surprised they’re not making out as we speak. They do that a lot.” Tyler’s face was a little blank, yet his eyes never strayed from Josh’s sullen face. Josh dearly wished Tyler would stop looking at him or he was going to start blushing despite himself.

“Behind the drum kit over there is Frank Iero, and joining him now is Gerard Way. Look away, they’ll probably be more comfortable _passionately kissing and grinding on each other_ in privacy.” Gerard sighed a drawling noise of half-assed protest, although Frank was trying and failing to hold off a sharklike grin, poking Gerard in the ribs as he did so.

“Here’s Ryan Ross,” Brendon continued, pointing to where Ryan sat on top of the single unoccupied desk in the room, winking as Brendon mentioned him, Brendon’s voice gaining a flirtatious edge, “in my opinion the hottest guy in this entire fucking _school,_ and thankfully he’s mine, too. We make a good match. Debby’s skipping school today - that’s Debby Ryan, mind you, God knows why she is. I think you should know her through Jenna, right? Right.”

“Right…” Tyler agreed, still focused intently on Josh. _Tyler, please. My heart, it hurts,_ Josh whined in his head, desperately wishing his eyes weren’t red from tears and his hands weren’t shaking in his pockets and his anxiety in general would just disappear.

“And that’s Josh, Jishwa, Joshua Dun, Dogsbreath, the man, the myth, the legend. You’re are working on some biology assignment together, I know. You two should…get to know one another, if you know what I mean-”

“B-Brendon! Stop that!” Josh cried, feeling his face light up in red and burn like a bonfire. He could see Tyler looked rather flustered now, face going slightly pink as he finally broke eye contact with Josh to watch Brendon uneasily.  
“Well, what can I say, he’s cute, you’re cute, it makes sense,” Brendon defended lazily to Josh, eyeing him with a look that said _you’ll thank me later_ , which Josh returned with a glare of his own which said _no I definitely will not oh my God Brendon, please._

“I, um, I have a girlfriend…” Tyler defended weakly, shifting in place awkwardly.

“He knows you do,” Ryan sighed, “relax. Brendon is a bit of a, well, _psychopath_ when it comes to this kind of stuff. He’s gayer than a rainbow himself, you know.” Brendon leaned over and batted his chest in playful protest, exclaiming ‘ _pansexual_ , Ryan, I swing both ways,’ and suddenly getting caught up in a seemingly important and romantic conversation with Ryan.

Josh pulled his hands out of his pockets and focused intently on them as he clasped and unclasped his fingers, acting like they were the most interesting thing in the room and trying his very best to ignore how Tyler was walking toward him. That was, until Tyler kneeled down directly in front of him and suddenly his face was _very_ close to Josh’s own - more importantly, his perfect fucking lips were _very very_ close to Josh’s. Josh blushed and averted his gaze from Tyler’s lips, away from his honey-and-chocolate coloured eyes, away from his god-damn perfect face, anywhere but the boy in front of him.

“Hey, I was wondering, are you okay?” Tyler breathed his question quietly, like he was trying his best to keep the words private and just between the two of them - if only he knew how Brendon was eagerly eavesdropping on every word they said like Josh was sure he was. Josh’s breathing hitched and hands quivered more than they were a moment ago - why would Tyler Joseph of all people be talking to him outside of an assignment, let alone ask him how he was?  
“I mean, Brendon invited me here and said you had to ask about something for the assignment but then you weren’t here and _then_ I saw you coming in with Gerard and you were shaking, like, a _lot_ and you look like you’ve just been crying…anxiety attack, right? Are…are you okay now?” Josh fixed his eyes back on Tyler and saw genuine concern on his features, worry on his lips and in his eyes, creasing his face into something so adorable Josh felt some of his panic simply melt away.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine, it’s…it’s no big deal. These th-things happen a lot,” Josh replied quietly, feeling embarrassed by his sudden confession of how the anxiety attacks occurred regularly, since teenage guys weren’t supposed to cry, especially not so often. He looked away from Tyler’s face again, more sadly this time.

“Sorry for worrying you.”  
“What? No, it’s fine, it’s fine, as long as you’re fine it’s fine,” Tyler assured hastily, bringing the ghost of a smile across Josh’s face.

“I’m going to go back to my friends now, I’ll call you later, okay? A-about the assignment, I mean…” he added hastily, the same blush from before returning to his face. God _damn it_ , Tyler was cute when he was blushing. It wasn’t fair.  
“U-uh, right, thank you, see you later…” Josh trailed off, smiling tiredly as Tyler pulled himself off the floor and waved his goodbyes to the rest of Josh’s friends and quickly leaving the music room.

“That was so damn _adorable._ I knew it, you too are meant for each other,” cooed Brendon smugly. Josh narrowed his eyes and looked up at Brendon, who was blinking at him innocently, smiling. _He invited Tyler Joseph to come and talk to me. And I botched it by having a stupid panic attack. Why couldn’t he have at_ least _warned me?_

“Brendon _fucking_ Urie. I’m g-gonna kill you.”

 


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the kudos and everything folks, i didn't expect so much love ;v; <3 sorry for the slight delay in posting this! had a lot of artwork to finish. ill try to update the next chapter within the next few days! enjoy!

Tyler made his way out of the room hastily, feeling a little flustered, to say the least. When Brendon had appeared at he and his friends’ table, with a rather mysterious invitation to ‘follow him and come hang out’ falling tantalisingly from his confident mouth, his friends had egged him on eagerly. 

“Come on dude, it’s Brendon Urie, for fucks sake, he’s like the _most_ popular guy in this school,” Jack had pressed, pushing him lightly towards where Brendon had been leaning on the wall next to the corridor, gazing at Tyler’s table expectantly, occasionally glancing at passing teens to flash a winning smile towards them. From here you could see his ‘people-personality’ shining through - he was leaning confidently on a wall all alone at the edge of the room and yet still drew people’s attention like a flame does a moth. He radiated ‘popular’ - and a scrawny basketball kid wasn’t going to pass up on a personal invite from someone like Urie, however unprecedented it was.  
When he’d strode rather self-consciously over to where Brendon was waiting, flashing a shy smile in his direction which Brendon returned tenfold, Brendon had turned on his heel and gestured to for him to follow with one easy hand gesture. Tyler followed him obediently, jogging quickly to catch up.  
“Hey, Tyler,” Brendon said breezily, barely sparing Tyler a glance as they walked together down the long main corridor, “I didn’t actually invite you to hang out - _well,_ not me, strictly. Josh - you know Josh, yeah? Joshua Dun, the cute one with the pretty hair and ‘gay thought inducer extraordinaire’? The one you thought was really nervous but in an adorable way? He wanted to see you.” Brendon looked across at Tyler, a sly, cheeky grin lighting up his face. Tyler blushed in spite of himself, how could he possibly know that’s _exactly_ what he’d been thinking about Josh during the majority of the biology class? He knew Brendon was in the same class for the subject - and had glanced across at Brendon fleetingly to catch him watching them with a smirk, but Tyler had written it off as Brendon not paying attention to where he was looking - did that mean Tyler was being obvious about what he was thinking? _Oh, God._ He laughed quietly, voice cracking slightly with nerve towards the end. 

“I don’t know about you, but I-I’m not gay, dude,” Tyler weakly responded, causing Brendon to laugh loudly enough to attract the attention of the few stray students standing around in the corridor, turning to face him with a friendly taunt clear in his brown eyes.

“Whatever you say,” grinned Brendon, running a hand coolly through his messy hair as his eyes flashed cheekily.

“But, you were saying Josh wanted to see me?” Tyler pressed a little too quickly, all too eager to move on from the subject of his currently-being-questioned sexuality. Brendon nodded the affirmative, a wide smirk still evident on his lips.

“Said he needed to ask a few questions about your assignment,” he confirmed cheerily, “he would’ve come and asked you himself, but…” Brendon trailed off into a chuckle, one much fonder in tone than any of his previous laced-with-confidence cackles, “he’s a little shy around people. Gets a bit anxious, you know? It’s one of the reasons why we prefer to hang out back here then in the cafeteria. Ah, speaking of which, here we are!” Brendon hummed pleasantly, slowing to a stop in front of a faded red door.

“The music room?” Tyler asked, looking up at the once-shiny, silver label on the door which read plainly ‘MUSIC 3’. A memory of playing the school’s grand piano in here years ago resurfaced somewhere in his mind, fond and long-forgotten until now, and Tyler smiled at the recollection of a younger him tapping experimentally at the ‘little-black-keys-that-were-easier-to-play-than-the-white’, as he had so intelligently dubbed them before he knew the notes. Those were the days.

“You betcha! All of us are pretty big on all things music,” Brendon replied, voice suddenly dropping lower and he gave Tyler a serious look, “and you should just _see_ Josh on the drums. He really gives it his all, dude. Those gay thoughts you were having in biology? _Nothing_ compared to what you’ll be thinking when you see him play.” Tyler snapped upwards, feeling the blood rush to his head and heating his cheeks. Was Brendon _always_ like this? Tyler could the flush that was colouring his cheeks a little too strongly as he gaped for words like a fish out of water, when Brendon started to giggle like a schoolgirl at his expense. His serious, dark stare and solemn expression dissolved into an amused and almost childlike grin, eyes flashing with mischief. 

“Sorry, you’re just too cu-ute when you get all flustered! It’s hilarious,” Brendon confessed with a smile, drawing out the word _cute_ in a sing-song tone.

“O-oh. Right.” Tyler blinked. Obviously. He suppressed a sigh as Brendon rolled his eyes and pushed the door open. Were all popular kids like this? If so, he was most definitely more comfortable where he was now. Basketball jock was plenty popularity enough for him.

He followed Brendon into the music room and was immediately faced with a faint smell of what Tyler could readily guess was weed, an Iron Maiden track playing quietly, and two guys making out. 

Right, okay. A little bit of PDA was nothing Tyler couldn’t handle, he and Jenna were guilty of the exact same action as they were. This was fine. Right.

“A-hem,” Brendon coughed loudly, interrupting the two and causing them to break apart and glance distractedly up at first Brendon, then Tyler. Tyler, realising he had his mouth slightly agape, closed it quickly, rubbing his neck a little awkwardly. The shorter of the pair sitting dead centre in the room grinned widely, tipping his fedora - because he was wearing a fedora, alright, okay - and waved hello, before turning back to the darker haired boy who looked a little miffed by the sudden interruption and going on with their makeout session. Wasn’t that Pete Wentz…and Patrick Stampy, right? Tyler felt a flash of guilt for not knowing their names. Beside him, Brendon laughed.

“Brought back a little buddy, hey?” a voice came from somewhere behind a drumkit, tone friendly.

“Yeah, something like that…where’s Josh?” Brendon replied. Suddenly, Patrick - at least, Tyler _thought_ his name was Patrick - broke off again, looking up at Brendon with a concerned look in his eye. The casual air of the room immediately dropped and a sudden faint buzz of nerve thrummed in the back of Tyler’s head. _Come to think of it, where_ was _Josh? Brendon had said he’d asked for Tyler, after all…_

“Oh,” Brendon echoed, turning and facing Tyler with what looked like a worried expression. “Tyler, sorry, you’ll have to come back later, okay? Josh is-” He was interrupted by the creak and click of the door opening and closing.Tyler immediately turned around, curiosity guiding his movement at the sound. Oh, God. There was Josh, staring at the floor, shaking like he was standing in a snowstorm, figure tense, each breath visible and eyes downcast and rimmed with red. Tyler knew the aftermath of a panic attack when he saw one - and Josh seemed to have been through a pretty bad one.   
“Uh…is this a bad time?” At the sound of Tyler’s voice, Josh snapped to attention, their gazes meeting in less than two seconds. Josh instantly looked away and Tyler had felt a pang of sympathy rush almost dizzyingly through his head. Poor kid. The shorter guy next to him - _Gerard Way?_ \- had stepped forward towards Brendon and Tyler and muttered something Tyler had missed. Then Josh had stumbled across the room and basically _collapsed_ in a corner limply, long arms hugging his knees. Tyler had hardly been listening to Brendon’s cheery introductions to everyone else in the room and the moment he’d stopped talking he’d practically raced to Josh’s side.

And that was how he had found himself outside a room filled with the oddest mix of teens he’d seen in this entire high school. It was almost as if they’d been picked at random - Tyler never would’ve guessed that such a blend of _popular_ and _nobody_ would be the types to hang out so comfortably together. He leaned against the wall next to the doorframe and exhaled a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding and rubbed his temples slowly and deliberately. What the fuck had he been doing, going up to Josh like that? He’d felt such a rush of concern for the guy he _barely knew_ and he’d made it all too clear that he was worried.   
“Fuck, I probably scared him,” he cursed breathlessly, a loud sigh escaping his lips as he pushed himself off the wall, turning and heading back to the safety and normalcy of his friends. He couldn’t just have _ignored_ Josh though… no. That wouldn’t have been right of him. He shook himself off as he entered the cafeteria, face slipping into an easy and familiar mask of a smile. He took a seat, sliding in next to Jenna and as close as the two chairs would allow, only too aware of all the eyes of the table on him. Jenna smiled and kissed his cheek, whispering a greeting. He _booped_ her nose with a smile of his own and was about to speak when he was cut off by Jack.

“Dude, how’d it go? Why are you back already? Couldn’t handle the popularity?” Jack was immediately shoved nearly off his chair by Alex, who laughed and turned to Tyler expectantly.

“Actually it was just Josh,” Tyler clarified, shifting in his chair sheepishly at Jack’s almost-disappointed face. “He wanted to ask a few questions about the biology assignment we were doing together.” 

“Nerd,” Jenna giggled at Tyler, who responded by wrapping an arm around her and squeezing tightly, lie rolling off his tongue so smoothly he surprised even himself. “Josh? No. He was just asking for my address - so we could work on the assignment we got grouped up for together later this week, you know?” _Shit_. Josh didn’t have his address. He’d have to call him later today and tell him. _That was gonna be awkward,_ Tyler thought with an internal groan.

“Dude, you got in a group with Josh? As in Joshua Dun?” Rian asked, looking a little surprised. Tyler nodded an affirmative.

“Josh Dun in my soccer team, he’s so _shy_ , dude. Good luck getting any verbal input on the assignment out of him,” he laughed, shaking his head. “The kid can _play,_ though. Shame that it’s not an assignment on soccer.”  
“I think I’ve already established he’s pretty shy,” Tyler replied, “and I didn’t know he played soccer…I didn’t even know to put his name to a face until first period today.” 

“Really? But he’s in _Brendon Urie’s_ friendship group…how out of the loop _are_ you, dude?”   
Tyler shrugged, glancing down at his hands. The question had been fair enough. Tyler didn’t really stay ‘in the loop’ per say, or not over the holidays, at least. He was busy wrapped up in his own head and preferred it that way, although at Rian’s light-hearted question he felt a soft tinge of embarrassment rush down his skin. Some cool kid he was, hey?  
The rest of the day passed by in a flash. Tyler kicked a stray, crumpled Dr Pepper can with one foot and watched it skitter away a few feet off the pavement as he walked. Joshua Dun plays soccer. Joshua Dun’s smile is the warmest thing Tyler thinks he’s ever seen. Joshua Dun has red hair. Joshua Dun’s eyes crinkle up when he smiles. Joshua Dun is close friends with the most popular kid in school. Joshua Dun has anxiety. Joshua Dun plays the drums. Tyler groaned and shifted the backpack which hung loosely from his shoulders irritably. Why couldn’t he stop thinking about Josh? Especially his appearance - because Tyler was absolutely, no way, completely _not_ gay. So why couldn’t he stop thinking about the contrast between Josh’s glassy, red-rimmed eyes and lips being worried constantly by his teeth versus his perfect, dazzlingly-white smile and eyes that disappeared as he did? This was complicated. He felt the same way he had when he’d first kissed Jenna - fuzzy and warm and slightly protective. Wait…what would it be like kissing Josh?  
“This is not okay,” he muttered angrily, making a conscious effort to shove the thoughts to the back of his head and quickening his pace ever so slightly. Who did Josh think he was, messing up his head like this? His head was already messed up enough, he didn’t need to start questioning his own until-now stable sexuality on top of that.   
He arrived home still in a sulky mood with Josh’s hastily scrawled number burning into his front pocket’s place on his leg like it was a branding iron. As he has walked up the steps of his verandah the nerves and realisation of how awkward that phone call was going to be. _I’ll just text him,_ he decided as he slammed the door a little too loudly.   
“Hey mum, I’m home,” Tyler called, at the same time realising with horror his voice betrayed his sullen emotions a little too clearly. He made a grab for the banister but it was too late - his mother’s head was already poking out from the kitchen.  
“Hey honey,” she smiled from the doorway. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Tyler replied, this time a little _too_ brightly and just like that his mother was onto him, concern washing over her face in a very motherly fashion.   
“Tyler,” she said, more sternly this time, and Tyler sighed.

“Nothing, mum, I’m just tired, okay?” Tyler gave his most convincing yawn and stretched slightly, taking a few steps up the stairs. She studied him carefully and, seeming satisfied, nodded and ushered him up the stairs. Tyler took the stairs two at a time, bounding gratefully up the stairs, thankful she didn’t press him any further.

“Don’t forget your five hundred shots, Ty,” she reminded him gently but sternly as he pulled open the door to his room, “then you can get some rest - oh, and don’t forget to do your homework! I don’t want any more messages from your teachers.” Tyler rolled his eyes and grumbled his agreement in a low tone that his mother couldn’t have heard from downstairs, then shut his door quickly, resisting the urge to slam it irritably. The five hundred shots was something he had grudgingly accepted into part of his daily routine at his father’s request, but the homework not being handed in was _absolutely_ not his fault. He had insisted that Blurry had stolen it and he was too busy fighting _off_ said Blurry to finish it again - not that anyone had listened, anyway. Nobody else could hear Blurry like he could. He threw his backpack onto his messy bed lazily, throwing himself onto the pillow immediately after with a _whumph_ and a soft sigh as he relaxed into the soft sheets. 

“The calm before the storm,” he sighed, opening his phone and doing a quick scroll of his Facebook feed. The number in his continued to burn in his mind like a child desperate for attention - he couldn’t just ignore it. Cursing under his breath and closing the Facebook app slowly and _very_ deliberately, he pulled out the number and dialled it in, sitting up fully before taking a deep breath. It was going to be awkward as all hell and Tyler _knew_ it.

Time to call Josh.

 


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i saw twenty one pilots live yesterday and it was the best day of my life and my voice is still hoarse it was absolutely brilliant blurryface tour is so great ok now enjoy this chapter

Josh’s phone started ringing at exactly 4:07pm. He almost dropped it on his nose in shock, his intense game of Subway Surfers being interrupted by the bright, chirpy ringtone of an unknown number. He stared at it in his hands like it was alien for a moment, confused - because _nobody_ called Joshua Dun. His friends texted him, sure, but nobody ever _called_ him. Especially not an unknown number. _Alright, so it’s a misdial for sure_ , Josh clarified, relaxing slightly and waiting for it to ring out. He could’ve answered and told them it was the wrong number, but talking on the phone was something Josh was absolutely not fond of, because it brought up his dumb stammer and made his heart race far too fast for him to feel comfortable. The loud melody quieted after another thirty seconds or so, and Josh felt himself relax, back into the comfort and quiet of his for-now empty house, and he returned his attention to his game, where he was reaching his highest score ever. Not that it was anything to brag about, but Josh never had anything to brag about in the first place, so this went straight to his very short list of ‘ _things to show off to my friends in the group chat that nobody’ll care about’_. That said list was in fact empty - but he digressed because at least it was something, right? Right.

Then, his phone buzzed and _dinged_ loudly. This time, Josh _did_ drop his phone. It landed directly on his nose and he immediately spat out a very colourful choice of swear words as pain blossomed from his damaged and _surely_ broken nose. Whichever of his friends had texted him were going to receive one hell of a berating, he decided, snatching up his phone from where it lay innocently next to him on the pillow, opening up his messages with thumbs itching to brew and spit venom at the offender.

_4:09PM, unknown number:_ Hey, is this Josh Dun?

Oh. Josh registered the number in his mind as the one who’s call he’d just purposefully ignored numbly, sitting and staring at the message in silence for a few, long seconds. Moments later, his brain was running wild with irrational but still terrifying thoughts, along the lines of _oh my God they know who I am it’s probably the school telling me I’m expelled or social security or the police because of Brendon_ fucking _Urie’s weed stash he probably sold me out oh no I’m going to prison or an orphanage I’m going to die_ fuck _shit._ He gazed distantly at the small green bubble of text with shaking fingers, taking a moment to still his racing mind with the calmer waves of reassurance about how if it was any of those, they would’ve texted his parents. Not that they’d really give a damn if it was social security - only if he was in trouble. He tapped out a response slowly, mistyping almost twice every word because his hands were betraying him and quivering like a stupid leaf in the _stupid_ wind.

_4:10PM, spooky jim (me):_ yeah hey its josh who is this? sorry for not answering ur call i just missed it

_4:10PM, unknown number:_ That’s fine don’t worry about it :)

_4:10PM, unknown number:_ This is Tyler

Josh mentally facepalmed. Then, after a moment’s hesitation, he really facepalmed and brought his palm up to his face quickly, letting out a long, disappointed groan. 

“Idiot,” he sighed. Of course it was Tyler, who else would’ve had his number? He totally forgot he’d given his number to Tyler and how could he forget? It was his fucking crush of all people, after all, and he’d been paired with him for a biology project out of school hours so _obviously_ it was going to be Tyler. He’d probably called to ask when they could work on it together and organise stuff because he was organised like that, and didn’t make such a mess of his mind like Josh did. 

“As long as it’s not at my house,” muttered Josh, “don’t fuck this up, Dun. Don’t scare off your crush like the bumbling idiot you are. Be cool.”

_4:12PM, unknown number:_ Joseph btw

_4:12PM, unknown number:_ Tyler Joseph, as in my last name, not like the first name or anything

_4:12PM, unknown number:_ We have a bio project together?

Josh couldn’t help but crack a grin at Tyler’s clarification that his last name was not, in fact, his first name. It was pretty obvious to Josh - but then again, he’d been fawning over Tyler Joseph for the past however-many-months (almost two years, in fact one year and ten months, but who was counting? Certainly not Josh. _Definitely_ not Josh.) He hurriedly added Tyler’s number into his phone’s disappointingly short contact list and after a brief moment of hesitation typed out a short, sweet response.

_4:12PM, spooky jim (me):_ oh hey joseph

_4:12PM, spooky jim (me):_ but yeah biology project when do u wanna work on it

_4:13PM, tyler joseph:_ Shut up omg

Josh’s heart felt like it had stopped in his chest. What had he done wrong? _Nice one Dun, two messages in and you’ve fucked up your one and only chance of talking to your crush. Of course he doesn’t appreciate your joke,_ Josh seethed to himself scathingly, mood quickly turning from it’s worried fence line of anxiety to dark. He yanked his blanket from under his long legs and pulled it angrily over his head, wincing softly as the movement disturbed the newly formed bruise on his side, abandoning his phone on his pillow in bitter defeat. Seconds that felt like years passed while Josh brewed a storm of situations of Tyler Joseph scowling, Tyler Joseph snapping at him, Tyler Joseph avoiding his gaze and Tyler Joseph laughing at him mockingly which swirled in his head tauntingly. After what seemed like centuries later, his phone’s text tone sounded cheerfully. He pulled his head up from underneath his blanket and stared disbelievingly at the screen, relief instantly soothing and dulling the sharp spike of panic. 

_4:14PM, tyler joseph:_ Haha, just kidding :) anyway, I have basketball practise sometimes, is it cool if we work around that? 

Josh paused and relaxed, then berated himself further for even thinking _Tyler Joseph_ was that cruel. Of course Tyler wasn’t mad at him - looking at the two bubbles of text it was obvious that Tyler had been joking too. Josh was just an idiot who also happened to be completely overreacting, because he was an idiot. But, more importantly, he hadn’t blown his chance at having a conversation with Tyler - whether it be for a school project or not.

_i know_ , he typed, then quickly deleted it. God, that’d sound creepy. Tyler didn’t know Josh had a huge, embarrassing schoolgirl crush on him. he also didn’t know that Josh had watched him play basketball in the gym on more than one occasion because damn did he like to see Tyler like that, skinny frame slick with sweat which trickled over muscles which only appeared when he was using them, face red and focused. Josh swallowed dryly. His teenage mind was betraying his well-hidden but incredibly gay side and his own face started to redden as he hastily banished the mental image of Tyler and the accompanying, less-than-innocent thoughts which came with it from his train of thought, along with a mental note to _never ever tell Brendon about this_ because he would be teased for at least the next two years of his life. He settled on a simple response, one that wouldn’t give away his ‘flaming homo vibes’, as Pete and Brendon had dubbed it the first time Josh had told them about his crush on Tyler. Oh man, talking to said crush was turning out to be kind of a stressful experience.

_4:15PM, spooky jim (me):_ thats fine just hmu with ur address and tell me when we can work on it

_4:15PM, tyler joseph:_ Oh I was hoping we could do it at your place

_4:15PM, tyler joseph_ : Not do it like ‘do it’ I mean work on the project

_4:15PM, spooky jim (me):_ sure u do

_4:16PM, spooky jim (me):_ are u not even gonna take me to dinner first

_4:17PM, tyler joseph:_ Josh pls you know what I mean

_4:17PM, spooky jim (me):_ of course 

_4:17PM, spooky jim (me):_ but rly u can’t come to my place

_4:17PM, tyler joseph:_ Why not? That’s fine btw but mom wants to know

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Josh spat quickly at Tyler’s latest text. He wasn’t prepared for this, and now he needed a good excuse as to why Tyler couldn’t come to his without sounding too suspicious. _You can’t come to mine because I’m worried about your safety_ didn’t really cut it _,_ Josh sighed to himself, rubbing the bruise on his side absentmindedly. _Because I don’t want you to_ made Josh sound rude and gave off a rather haughty, ‘I’m too good for you’ attitude in his opinion - not to mention the fact that it was quite the opposite of what Josh wanted, to take Tyler back to his room and…

Josh shook his head, blushing again at the thoughts that scurried about in his mind which he took no hesitation in blaming on teenage hormones. Could _I’m afraid I might try to kiss you and then you’ll hate me forever_ cut it? He asked sarcastically to nobody in particular, rolling his eyes despite the slow, steady wave of worry which was always somewhere in Josh’s head threatening to spill over and carry him away into the wilder panic his anxiety always drew from.

_brb mom calls_ , he texted to Tyler hurriedly, white lie forming smoothly and easily under his thumbs like he’d been doing it all his life - which, in retrospect, he _had_ been - abandoning the chat between him and Tyler and opening the group chat with all of his few friends in it. All seven.

_4:18PM, spooky jim (me):_ mayday mayday tyler wants to come to my house

Instantly, his phone buzzed in his hands, once, twice, then a third time. Josh stared at the responses with worried eyes and groaned - the answers he’d gotten from his friends were _not_ helpful - in fact, anything but.

_4:18PM, brendon ur-gay:_ ;)

_4:18PM, gee rad way:_ wow already i hope u have ‘fun’

_4:18PM, frnkiero:_ more like come to ur bed or better yet IN ur bed

_4:19PM, spooky jim (me):_ guys omg not like that this is serious u know why he cant come to mine

_4:19PM, frnkiero: we know :/_

_4:19PM, spooky jim (me):_ what do i say as an excuse as to why he cant

_4:19PM, brendon ur-gay:_ the truth

_4:19PM, gee rad way:_ ^

_4:19PM, spooky jim (me):_ u know i can’t

_4:19PM, brendon ur-gay:_ ugh fine

_4:20PM, gee rad way:_ u really should tho

_4:20PM, frnkiero:_ tell him ur house is going under renovations or smthn, idk

_4:20PM, spooky jim (me):_ ok i will thank u so much

_4:20PM, frnkiero:_ gee and i both wish u would tell someone

_4:20PM, brendon ur-gay:_ hey its 4:20 lol my number

_4:20PM, gee rad way:_ shut up brendon u fucking stoner

_4:20PM, brendon ur-gay_ : ouch u hypocrite :-(((((

_4:20PM, frnkiero_ : hes not as bad as u brendon

_4:21PM, brendon ur-gay_ : nobody is

_4:21PM, brendon ur-gay_ : i pride myself on that

Josh sighed and returned to the conversation with Tyler, relaying the excuse Frank had given him gratefully. He felt reassured by his friends’ normality despite Josh’s situation, because the small and logical part of his mind was siding with the idea that if they weren’t worried, then it couldn’t be _that_ bad, really. Tyler responded exactly how Josh had been hoping - obliviously, much to Josh’s delight. He felt a tiny spark of guilt as Tyler texted him his address and what times in the week they could meet up - Tuesdays and Thursdays directly after school, sometimes Wednesdays too, and maybe on the weekends but probably not because Tyler liked to spend his weekends avoiding doing schoolwork.   
That guilt, however, fizzled out almost immediately after it appeared because his latest bruise gave a loud twinge of pain in protest. No, Josh decided. He didn’t need to feel guilty. This was better left out of his romantic interests.  He locked his phone and sighed yet again, long and drawn out. 

Tomorrow was Tuesday.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this chapter has been done for a few days but i needed to write a bit ahead to get some stuff out of my head so yeah but at least that means the next few chapters should be coming out a bit sooner also almost one thousand hits and so much positive feedback thank u all so much now take this chapter in which tyler is vehemently denying the gay

Tyler was waiting for Josh by the school gates exactly five minutes after school ended the next day. He waited, slightly nervous, for the red head to join him in the planned spot. He’d been thinking about seeing Josh again _all day,_ as much as he hated to admit it to himself. Because, again, Tyler wasn’t _gay_ , no way in hell. He just happened to like the sound of Josh’s voice, which sounded like sun-warmed water trickling over rocks in a pure stream, and he just _happened_ to like the way Josh’s smile - however rare - always reached his eyes and lit up his face like a Christmas tree. He just happened to be appreciative of how his mess of bright red hair which he pulled off oh so well complimented the rest of his face so brilliantly, the same way he was appreciative of the way Josh’s eyes reminded him of chocolate and honey. Totally platonic. Totally, 100% in a friendship way. Bros Being Bros. Right.

_Oh my God_ , Tyler groaned inwardly. He was doing it again. What the hell was up with him? He’d met the guy yesterday and before that he had been totally comfortable with his life and his sexuality. But today, when he’d looked down at Jenna as she’d collapsed into his arms groaning about the amount of schoolwork she’d received _already_ , he’d felt a slight pang for that long blonde hair to be red, short, messy and belonging to a certain Josh Dun. He felt another wave of guilt wash over him as he remembered the moment - thinking like that was no way okay for a _straight_ guy like Tyler.

He was snapped out of his train of thought by a shock of crimson hair appearing in his vision. He looked up eagerly, sagging a little in disappointment when he realised it was another kid, one with his head buried seemingly very eagerly in a comic book. Wait…Tyler had seen him yesterday, leading Josh into the room Brendon Urie had brought him to. Gerard Way, right? So he was Josh’s friend, maybe he knew where Josh was.

“Uh, Gerard?” he called out, a little hesitant at talking to someone so new to him. Gerard paused and looked up from his comic, looking a little dazed as he glanced around for the source of the name calling. Tyler waved slightly to get his attention and Gerard noticed with a friendly grin and reciprocated wave, then sauntered over to where Tyler stood.  
“Hey, Tyler,” he smiled, blinking as his dark-rimmed gaze flickered between his book and Tyler’s face - wait, was he wearing _eyeliner?_ \- “looking for Josh?” Tyler nodded and blushed slightly when Gerard’s face cracked into a knowing smile and his focus shifted a little more from the book in his hands to Tyler.   
“He and I are going to organise some stuff for our assignment, is all,” Tyler clarified quickly, stoically ignoring the heat that had rushed to his face at Gerard’s cheeky ‘I know what _that_ means’ expression.

“Alright, alright, of course that’s all,” Gerard hummed with a badly-suppressed laugh ringing in his tone, not looking at all convinced, “last I saw of him, he was back at his locker. Listen, I’d love to stay and chat, but I’m supposed to be meeting up with my lil’ brother Mikey soon, and…” he trailed off, making a vague gesture with one hand that Tyler assumed meant he wanted to leave. Tyler nodded in faux understanding and waved him goodbye with a thank you and another blush. God, were Josh’s friends _in_ on this or what? Firstly Brendon and his talking-up of Josh yesterday, now these understanding looks and implications like he and Josh were _already_ an item - wait, no, not _already,_ they _never_ would be because for God’s sake _Tyler was not gay._ He huffed out a little exasperated breath, he had a girlfriend, for crying out loud! There was no way they could be trying to set Josh and him up, he reasoned, running a hand through his hair quickly. He didn’t even know if Josh swung that way. _No,_ he thought to himself, glancing around again at the stream of high schoolers leaving the school. _I’m just overanalysing._

Another five minutes passed before Josh showed up to join Tyler. He was wearing another black hoodie, this time with a blink-182 logo adorning the front, and ripped skinny jeans paired with red converse. Holy shit, Tyler thought, letting his eyes linger on Josh’s form, he was so _stylish._ The ripped jeans were again _oh so ‘punk rock youth’_ but he looked almost cute, dare Tyler admit it. Honestly, Tyler didn’t know anyone (except maybe Jenna) who could pull off skinny jeans that well…

“Uh, hey Tyler,” Josh said awkwardly, interrupting Tyler’s thoughts and the clearly awkward silence that had appeared between the two. He almost squawked in embarrassment as his gaze snapped up from Josh’s body to his chocolate-coloured eyes with the realisation that he had been staring at his _ass_ , holy shit. “U-uh!” Tyler tried, feeling his cheeks go crimson as Josh’s eyes crinkled and lips stretched into a warm, cheeky grin.

“My eyes,” Josh began, breaking off into a soft if not slightly nervous snicker, “a-are up here.”   
“Shut up,” I whined, smile leaking into my own voice as I softly butted his shoulder with a fist, “I was admiring your style. It’s totally…punk rock.” Josh laughed properly now, and Tyler marvelled at the way the nervous thread woven into his speech melted away into that golden sound. He opened his mouth to speak, then froze midway. _Oh my God, I’m not_ gay _, okay brain?_ Tyler reprimanded to himself, while Josh’s laugh died off and his cheeks’ burning red look faded into soft pink.

“Thanks, Tyler, I w-was totally going for…for th-the um, ‘aesthetic’,” he grinned shakily, gesturing at his blink-182 hoodie and jeans for him to admire again - which he refused to do, of course. Because it wasn’t that big of a deal, right? Just Some Dude Josh’s clothing choice. That was all.  
“Nice,” I replied airily, twirling on one foot and making my way out of the gates. “Coming?” He heard Josh walk quickly to catch up and fall in step very close to him, and he couldn’t help noting how _close_ their hands were. _God help me. Think of Jenna. Think of Jenna. Pretty_ ladies _and stuff._ Ladies.

“Dude, do you think I could pull off the punk guy look?” Tyler asked curiously after a moment of surprisingly comfortable silence with Josh and him walking down the student-filled street together. Josh laughed softly again, walking in front of him slightly to examine his face in an expression of mock interest.  
“Hmmm,” he mused thoughtfully, studying Tyler’s face carefully, eyes flicking from his tousle of mousey brown hair to his eyes to his own clothing. He mentally forced down a small blush as he watched Josh’s eyes rake over his face and body.

“You c-could make the mo-most badass punk rocker…rocker around,” Josh stated decisively but unconvincingly with a sly smile, shoving his hands into his pockets and falling back slightly behind me again. Tyler laughed lightly and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up slightly.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, “I think I fit more of a floral look, y’know?”

“Flowers.” Josh agreed from behind him. “Fuck y-yeah. Hey, are you s-sure we’re going th-the right way?” Josh added in a slightly less confident tone as Tyler turned and began to lead him down a street to the right which lead to his own house’s road. He turned around to glance at him, slightly confused. Of course he knew the route to his own house - he’d been using it for a while, after all. And…it was his own house. You know, where he lived. He was about to transfer these remarks to Josh when he paused to notice the nervous glances and lip-biting that Josh was doing, and instead replied in what he hoped was a reassuring tone, “of course I am. Trust me! I know the way to my own house.” Josh responded with a slow nod and tiny smile which Tyler saw with disappointment didn’t quite reach his eyes like they normally would have.

The two lapsed into a now-uncomfortable silence, Josh walking with his feet scuffing the pavement and Tyler staring ahead with a faux-cheerful smile on his face. Inside, a tiny flurry of worry and sympathy for the boy walking just behind him worked itself up into a mini-storm. Was that Josh’s anxiety? Was it really so bad that he had to check if someone knew their way to their own _house_? He couldn’t imagine living like that - didn’t they have medication for that? Was Josh on medication? He vaguely remembered a discussion between his parents and his doctor about the different types of treatments for depression _and_ anxiety, but couldn’t remember anything beyond that on the topic of anxiety. Maybe some of his own antidepressants would help… _No, Tyler, what the fuck,_ he berated sharply, almost stopping mid-walk. _You don’t just give people shit that could be_ dangerous _because you think it might help,_ especially _not drugs, you idiot._ He forced the idea quickly out of his mind with an imperceptible, quick shake of his head, continuing to walk along in the suffocatingly awkward silence for a few moments until he worked up the nerve to break it with small talk.

“So, Brendon told me you play drums,” he began casually.

“He t-told you about _me?_ ” Josh interrupted incredulously, completely ignoring the original question, “Oh God, what did h-he s-say, what did he…” he trailed off into a mess of unintelligible murmuring, and Tyler caught something along the lines of _fuck you Brendon Urie_ in there with a faint grin.

“Nothing, really!” Tyler clarified quickly, trying to keep his tone light. “Nothing _bad,_ at least. He said you were cute,” Tyler felt a blush force it’s way onto his cheeks and tried his best to ignore it, grateful he was facing away from Josh, “and that you played the drums like a motherfucker. Oh, and my friend said you played soccer, too, which is cool. I couldn’t kick a ball to save my life.”

“Y-you _can_ play basketball though,” Josh replied quietly, an almost defensive tone in his voice. Weird. “You know I play basketball?” Tyler replied, his turn to feel a little incredulous and a little guilty, too, because Josh probably knew more about Tyler than Tyler did about Josh since before he even knew Josh’s name. Josh suddenly decided to pick up his pace after Tyler spoke.

“U-uh, yeah!” Josh answered quickly, his voice cracking slightly. “Every-o-one knows t-the basketball te-team, a-and I’ve seen y-you play…play at g-games…and stuff,” he finished lamely, talking a lot faster than usual and voice heightening in pitch ever so slightly. Tyler blinked obliviously.  
“Oh right, of course,” Tyler agreed, silently swearing he heard a relieved sigh of some sort from Josh behind him, “but anyway. You play the drums?”   
“Hell yeah I do,” Josh replied, and Tyler was startled by the sudden rush of enthusiasm audible in his voice as they turned into Tyler’s front yard of his house. “I’m a d-dedicated drummer, man, through and through. It a-adds to the aesthetic,” he finished as the two walked up onto the front porch and Tyler began to fumble around in his backpack for his keys. He retrieved them and flashed Josh a triumphant smile, jiggling the lock and pushing the door open then stepping aside to allow Josh in.   
“Dude, that is sick as _frick,”_ he responded, equally enthusiastically, because it _was_ sick as frick. Joshua Dun was into music, confirmed. Joshua Dun was kinda cute (in a totally heterosexual way, of course). Joshua Dun was also kinda funny, if not a little shy. He had all the makings of a great boyf- _no_ , _friend. The makings of a great friend._ Tyler had a tiny urge to yell loudly and lengthily at Josh for messing up his head with all these thoughts. Maybe he was some sort of demon, trying to tempt him into a life of sin, or something. A shy, awkward, adorable demon. Well, it would explain the flaming red hair. Tyler snorted quietly to himself. Josh would have to be the least terrifying demon out there - nothing compared to Blurry.

“S-sick as frick,” Josh repeated, looking both confused and amused at the statement. Tyler nodded, following into the hallway. “Yeah, sick as frick, it’s my own copyrighted, trademarked saying. So you can’t use it.”  
“Alright, a-alright, I won’t!” Josh laughed, putting his hands up submissively. _I wonder if Josh would be submissive in be- what the FUCK Tyler. Tyler, stop_. _You’re straight._ Tyler mentally cursed both his internal dialogue and Josh for bringing it about. It was actually worrying him now - but like hell he was gonna let Josh know that, so he just grinned at his victory - _oh God Tyler, you’re dominan-SHUT UP_ \- and gestured for Josh to keep following him.

They sauntered upstairs after a brief (and, in Tyler’s opinion, _very embarrassing_ \- “ Tyler sweetie, you brought a friend home? Oh, isn’t he just a darling? And that red hair looks so _precious_ on you - oh, this is the biology partner you talked about at dinner last night? Josh? Well, you’re very welcome here, sweetie,” ) ‘hello’ from Tyler’s mum. Tyler let Josh into his room, quickly striding over to his desk and clearing away a few stray pages with a sweep of his arm to make room for the two to study. Oh, yeah. Because _that’s_ why Josh was coming over. Tyler had almost totally forgotten on the walk here.

“S-so,” Josh inquired, setting his own backpack down by the doorframe, “biology?”


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im tired. but...1k hits! that's a lot. thanks, and enjoy this chapter, folks.

Josh didn’t know what to say, because one minute, he and Tyler were doing biology and talking about hobbies because biology was just so damn downright boring, and the next, Tyler was holding onto him for dear life, wrapping Josh - who sat frozen awkwardly, wincing slightly as one of Tyler’s arms pressed painfully into the bruise on his side - in a desperate hug, sobbing unabashedly into his shoulder.  
He didn’t think he’d said anything horrible, and frankly it was setting off panic alarms everywhere within his brain because for fucks sake, he’d made someone cry. Not just anyone, though, Tyler Joseph, the boy who looked like a damn puppy and the one Josh had his own puppy-love crush on, and he’d made him bawl into his shoulder. He was starting to shake slightly, breathing fast as he awkwardly patted Tyler’s back while he kept making little whimpering cries into the fabric of his hoodie, panicked thoughts of I’ve fucked up and now I’ve fucked someone else up shooting wildly through his head and mingling with the blind concern Tyler’s small, shaking frame brought up from the depths of his heart.  
What had he done wrong? Oh, fuck, oh, fuck. Not five minutes ago they’d been talking about heart murmurs…  
Tyler had hummed his noncommittal agreement to Josh’s drawl about irregular heartbeats and typed a few letters slowly on his laptop, letting loose a very obvious, exaggerated yawn. Josh giggled softly and punched his shoulder lightly, pausing in his tirade about the possible severity of causes of heart murmurs - silently sending out his thanks to whatever Godlike figures there may be in the universe (like maybe Celine Dion) for letting his stutter slip almost entirely away as the hour ticked by - as Tyler’s faux yawn progressed into a groan of boredom.  
“I never in my life thought about just how boring the heart is, man,” Tyler whined dramatically, then paused thoughtfully, after a moment adding, “or that we’d actually be doing be doing biology.” Josh looked up from the screen of his own old, battered laptop, confused. What did Tyler mean, not do biology? Did that mean he’d already gotten tired of him and didn’t want to talk to him anymore? Maybe he’d said something wrong, oh God, maybe Tyler hated him and was going to ask to change partners or something. Was his first impression really that bad? Josh didn’t realise Tyler was staring at him expectantly until he felt a thin, long finger poke his arm curiously and Tyler’s somewhat high-pitched voice ask, “-earth to Josh? Hello?”  
“Hm? What?” Josh started, snapping out of his stupor and bringing his gaze to Tyler’s. His concerned look softened into something light and pleasant when Josh responded and he grinned a brilliant and in Josh’s opinion very beautiful smile his way. Josh felt something very childish and butterfly-like flutter in the pits of his stomach at that smile.   
“I said, I thought we’d be talking and becoming best friends and stuff, you know, like in movies and books,” Tyler repeated, “but then you zoned out at the biology bit. I didn’t know you found biology that boring, dude, you should have said so earlier.” Josh wanted to grab Tyler, shake him and hug him and thank him incessantly for not hating him, but he realised at the same moment that might seem like a slight overreaction without the context of his dumb thoughts.   
“Right, right, o-of course,” Josh replied, grateful that his tone didn’t sound evidently relieved, “I was actually just getting spaced out thinking about how we should be becoming best buddies right now in the most cliché way possible right now, you know? G-getting chummy…and stuff.” Tyler nodded, face solemn and serious as he shut his laptop with a decisive click and shuffled his chair slightly closer to where Josh sat at the desk - but the faint smile tugging at his lips gave it away to Josh that he was playing along with Josh’s words. That filled Josh with more of the butterfly tingling in his stomach, light and airy and very very nice. God, how he wished Tyler was at least a gay and single and Josh wasn’t miles below him and even further out of his league, because Tyler’s face was truly a work of art, god damn it.  
“I totally agree,” Tyler stated firmly, the smile dancing on the edge of his face darting further under a stoic look of focus and determination. “Let’s become bestest biology buddies forever.” Josh grinned and valiantly fought down a blush when Tyler took his calloused hands in his own smooth hands - which Josh noticed in spite of himself were very very soft against his own skin, although his fingertips were slightly more rough, and the way they ghosted across his skin felt perfect because it was Tyler Joseph (Josh’s very own proclaimed Number One Crush In This Universe) and he couldn’t help wondering how his hands would feel if they were down…Joshua William Dun, you stop that. Right now.  
“H-how do best biology buddies work?” Josh inquired, letting Tyler pull him from his seat in the admittedly rather uncomfortable plastic desk chair to the much softer, beige carpeted floor.  “Well,” Tyler replied authoritatively, sitting himself down on the carpet opposite Josh with a whumph, “first and foremost, we have to get to know each other. By the way,” he added as an afterthought, glaring at Josh with an obvious implied mock threat ringing in his tone and glimmering mischievously in his eyes, “you don’t have to tell me that this reminds you of middle school girls sharing gossip together, because I know it does. In fact, if you tell me, you’re out of the band.” Josh’s eyes widened in slight surprise as Tyler’s narrowed victoriously, and he reeled back in disbelief. “You wouldn’t dare,” he breathed out, hand going to his chest over where his heart was in false shock and horror. “Watch me,” Tyler returned with a smirk.  
“You know, this re-reminds me of middle school girls sharing gossip together,” Josh tested casually, this time unable to keep the smile from his words and face. Tyler gasped loudly, the laugh that escaped his lips being hidden smoothly by the gasp of pure betrayal. “Josh, how could you?” the hurt in his voice, however fake, made Josh flinch for real and a quiet hum of worry buzzed a little louder in the back of his mind. Maybe Tyler had meant it when he had told Josh not to mention it? Oh no, maybe he’d hurt Tyler’s feelings or something, oh shit…  
“Hey, Josh?” Tyler’s voice broke through the spark of anxiety, and it sounded genuinely concerned this time, a rapid change from the teasing faux hurt he’d been expressing just moments earlier. “I was just kidding, no need to look so down, it’s fine, it was just a joke, dude.” Tyler sounded so suddenly worried, God damn it.   
 “O-of course,” Josh replied as casually as possible, forcing a small smile onto his face, “so what do middle sch-school girls gossip about?” Tyler flashed a shy smile, and scooted ever so slightly closer to Josh, one hand darting out to rest innocently on his thigh. Fucking hell, Tyler, don’t do this to me. I’m a good person. I don’t deserve this, Josh mentally screamed at the touch because the hand was dangerously warm on his thigh.  
“Everything! But I need to know the basics, man,” Tyler explained, staring into Josh’s eyes with a searching, curious gaze. “Full name, favourite colour, hobbies, favourite bands, favourite…food? Um, what else is there…?” Josh laughed as Tyler’s stare grew distant and thoughtful.    
“Got it. Um, I’m Joshua William D-Dun, I play a bit of soccer and I love cats, like, a lot,” Josh began, making a wide gesture with his hands to show just how much he loved cats (he loves cats a lot a lot, they are his self-proclaimed spirit animal) while Tyler listened attentively, “I like - no, love playing the drums…but I don’t actually own my own drum set. I use the one at the music shop near the school - y-you know the one?” At Tyler’s nod Josh grinned, eyes twinkling as he prepared himself to launch into an excited reel about music and drums. “Have you been there?”  
 “Yeah, but I haven’t really looked at the drums. Not my type of instrument,” Tyler replied, “but I did see a pretty cool kit - I think it was red?”   
“Yes!” Josh cried, enthusiasm ripping away his nerves as he clapped his hands together jovially. “Those are the drums I’m saving up for. They’re gorgeous,” he sighed elatedly, “but they cost a hell of a lot, more than I’ll be able to afford for a while. Their manager lets me play that kit whenever I want, though, because he says that he used to be a drummer and sees ‘the spark’ in me. How cool is that? Wait - do you play any instruments?” Tyler nodded very shyly - dear God, that was adorable - and glanced down at his hand, which was still resting on Josh’s leg, not answering in a burst of what seemed to be modesty. Josh bet he was really good at whatever he played.  
“I want to put you down as a piano type of guy, honestly,” Josh stated, following Tyler’s gaze at where his soft, slightly calloused from basketball hands and long fingers lay limp, “you have piano hands, as my mum would say.” Tyler looked up, a trace of surprise in his eyes.   
“Yeah, I do play the piano, actually,” he replied softly, “and don’t judge me, but I play a little ukulele too, a-and…I write and sing.” Josh paused, imagining Tyler strumming on a small uke and singing softly about who cares what, because that thought alone was beautiful and adorable, too.  
“You write music?” Josh repeated, impressed and intrigued, and suddenly very curious to hear Tyler sing one of his songs. Tyler hummed his confirmation and looked away again, shifting slightly in his spot on the floor. “A little,” he replied vaguely, quietly, “b-but it’s nothing too good, pretty stupid mostly, about stupid things-” Josh interrupted him by putting one hand cautiously on Tyler’s shoulder. He almost wanted to laugh - because this was Tyler Joseph, basketball star, above average (he’d snuck a few looks at Tyler’s test marks in passing and they were almost always B+ or above - hey, he had a crush, he had to make sure he wasn’t just a pretty face, okay) student, very cute, very sweet and very crushworthy. Josh seriously doubted he could be bad at anything - and maybe that was the middle-school crush part of him talking, but Josh had a feeling Tyler’s music was probably great.   
“Hey,” he soothed, and Tyler looked quickly back into his eyes with what Josh recognised as nervous, panicked eyes, “you don’t have to show me anything you write, okay? I g-get it might be personal, and, um, we only met yesterday, after all…Brendon writes songs, y’know that?” At Tyler’s small shake of his head, Josh nodded - of course he didn’t know. Shoot. That might have been personal.   
“He doesn’t tell many people that he does. So - don’t tell him I told you that, alright? Don’t tell anyone else either, please. A-anyway, it took him a hell of a long time to finally trust me enough to show me his lyrics. So don’t worry, o-okay? You probably won’t ever end up showing me, a-and forget about me outside…outside of this project anyway, so it’s fine.”  
“I’d like to be friends, Josh,” Tyler replied, almost nervously, a slight tone of surprise ringing in his voice which Josh couldn’t help feeling himself - although it was mixed with a sudden shot of elation. Tyler really wanted to be friends with him? That was awesome - not as good as boyfriend, but that was just wishful thinking. He hadn’t made any new friends for a long while, anyway.  
“Maybe I’ll show you someday, though…” he almost whispered, in a voice so quiet Josh guessed he was talking to himself rather than Josh. “I think…you might relate to some of it, maybe. I don’t know.” Tyler flashed him a distantly consulting, slightly concerned look, and it struck Josh that Tyler might be referring to his anxiety - because he’d walked in on him after a panic attack, for God’s sake, and he’d had the same worried look in his eyes then that he did now. Wait, Tyler had those kind of feelings? Shit. That was terrible, but…oddly comforting.   
“Gerard told me about how writing helps with…stuff,” Josh started hesitantly, cautiously gauging Tyler’s reaction, who flinched and tensed slightly, a carefully blank look suddenly taking over his face. Okay, so he was catching on to what he thought he was.   
“He said…he said it was freeing. I a-agree. It helps to…to use music, you know?”  
And there was where Tyler had flung himself into Josh’s arms and started fucking sobbing, for God’s sake, and Josh froze and had found himself patting his crush’s back awkwardly while he cried unabashedly.   
“T-Tyler,” Josh choked out after a few minutes and once Tyler’s whimpering cries had settled down to a few sniffling hiccups, feeling admittedly very very out of his comfort zone. “Uh, a-are you, um, okay?” Tyler seemed to snap out of some sort of daze at those words, suddenly letting go of Josh’s frame and sitting bolt upright. His eyes were rimmed with red, and his wide, puppy-dog gaze looked so fucking vulnerable, Josh’s heart sparked loudly with empathy and he wanted to wrap him in a hug all over again. But, of course, Josh just sat there, unable to quite put his thought into action.   
“Oh, fuck, Josh, I-I’m sorry, it’s just…” Tyler trailed off and looked like he was swallowing another sob, eyes focusing intently on the stray strands of Josh’s bright red hair falling out from under his snapback like it had suddenly become the most interesting thing in the room. Josh waited for Tyler to finish speaking, because hell, he wanted to know what he had said that had been so wrong that it had made Tyler cry (and probably ruin all chances the two had had at a friendship, nice one Dun).  
“Th-that’s exactly why I write,” Tyler finished meekly, finally making eye contact with Josh through huge, brown eyes which looked truly like they belonged on a kicked puppy rather than a human. Josh nodded, and, in a sudden rush of something he pulled Tyler into another hug, much more gentle this time. Tyler stiffened in his arms and Josh, just for a moment, felt panic and fear flood his head - what the fuck are you doing, idiot, this is going to freak him the fuck out - until Tyler relaxed into his arms with a tiny sigh.    
“I’m sorry,” he whispered softly against Josh’s neck, and fuck, there was so much raw sadness there that Josh swore his heart bashed against his ribs in a pang of sympathy, “I’m sorry, fuck, I only met you yesterday, for God’s sake, I’m sorry…”  
“Don’t be,” Josh hushed assuredly, “it’s alright, I-I get it.” He did get it, he really did, because it was like when he had panic attacks and people just looked at him uncomfortably, or worse, laughed, or even worse than that, stared down at him as he fought for every breath and called him a pussy, or not a real man. He got that you needed someone sometimes. He got it.  “Please…don’t mention this to anyone,” Tyler sniffled and Josh gently squeezed Tyler’s shoulder with one hand, trying his very best to assure the boy who suddenly looked a lot smaller in his arms.  
“No, I won’t, I promise,” Josh replied quickly and honestly, “this can stay b-between us, o-okay? A-after all,” he cracked a half-hearted grin, “you s-saw me yesterd-day, who am I to throw y-you under a bus.” Tyler smiled faintly, and after a few minutes of surprisingly comfortable silence separated himself from Josh’s arms slowly. Josh didn’t say anything, of course, but he missed Tyler’s warmth in his arms that he knew he’d probably never feel again.   
“Josh,” Tyler finally said, slow and unsure, voice raw from tears. Josh hummed to show he was listening, and Tyler twisted around to look at him properly.  
“Thanks, Josh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> josh dun is my sunshine


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all! sorry ive not updated this for three weeks. i was doing community service up in thailand - working at orphanages, building stuff for remote villages, all that jazz, and there was both no time and no wifi (i didnt even have my phone haha). so to make it up to you, this is the longest chapter yet! thank you for two thousand hits.  
> also, with this chapter comes the introduction of blurryface. trigger warning for blurry telling ty some bad stuff.

Tyler didn’t expect to be spending his Saturday with Brendon Urie, Frank Iero, Gerard Way and Josh Dun. He never really even expected to see them outside of school (excluding maybe Josh). Yet here he was, waiting with Josh Dun himself at the gates of the school in an awkward silence.

It all started the night before. Well, if you call two in the morning ‘night’. Tyler’s phone buzzed quietly where it lay on his desk, not far from where Tyler sat hunched up small and thoughtful on his desk chair. He snatched his phone up in seconds, all too eager for a distraction from his walls, a little surprised to see a text from Josh show up on his lock screen.

“Oh, someone texted you,” a cold voice crooned from somewhere over his head, “is it that little red-haired loser?”

“Shut up,” Tyler replied irritably, voice a hushed whisper as he unlocked his phone quickly.

_2:11am, Josh Dun: hey there bud u should totally sneak over to my house rn_

_2:11am, Josh Dun: i mean brendons house lol smooth_

_2:11am, Josh Dun: im gona do a fuckin RAD drum solo and ur gonna miss it :(_

Tyler blinked once, twice, and then a third time, because _oh._ First of all, it was obvious that Brendon Urie had taken hold of Josh’s phone. But - did that mean they were together at two am? At Brendon’s house - and wait a minute, Josh was doing a _drum solo?_  

_2:13am, Tyler Joseph (me): um, hi Brendon? What do you mean drum solo plus I don’t even have your address plus my parents would kill me_

_2:13am, Josh Dun: fuck how did u know it was me_

_2:13am, Josh Dun: i ltrly mean drum solo hes hitting drums by himself in like 10 mins u should come watch pls ill send u my address ill bet u live close enough to gt here in time_

_2:14am, Tyler Joseph (me): I can’t my parents will kill me_

_2:14am, Josh Dun: boo_

Tyler stared at the screen in faint surprise, because _again_ Brendon Urie/Josh Dun, guys he barely knew, were inviting him places - and at quarter past two in the morning, of all things. What was up with Urie and bringing himself to Josh? Maybe - oh god - maybe Brendon had a _crush_ on Tyler. No, that was a dumb thought, Brendon was dating that Ross fellow, and Tyler knew he wasn’t exactly eye candy and certainly not against Ryan Ross. Not like Jo- like _Jenna_ was, at least. _Jenna_ was a very pretty and charismatic girl, a dime-piece classic if Tyler had ever seen one. Tyler was just, well, _Tyler,_ a mousey little kid who’d been told he’d make a pretty girl one too many times, with a messed up head to match. There was no way Brendon had a crush on him. So, why the sudden interest? The next thought that came to mind was instant - they were trying to set him up with Josh. It would explain Gerard’s knowing looks and Brendon’s subtle teasing, but just… _no_. It just wouldn’t make sense - Josh never said he was gay, maybe if he _was_ gay, but Tyler had a girlfriend goddammit! He snapped out of his thought-induced daze with a brief shake of his head at the familiar hum of his phone as it vibrated in his hand.

_2:17am, Josh Dun: at least come hang out w us tomorro_

_2:17am, Josh Dun: gota get to know jishwas future bf_

Tyler froze and stared at the screen, heart suddenly picking up it’s own pace to a much faster speed than usual. BF? Like…boyfriend?

“No, like BF, Blurry Face, idiot,” scowled the venom-soaked voice at his shoulder. Tyler pointedly ignored their voice as he continued to stare in uncomfortable confusion at the screen. Another hum.

_2:17am, Josh Dun: bff*_

Tyler let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, sheepish face going red in spite of himself. Right. Obviously not boyfriend. Maybe Josh told Brendon about their ‘best friends forever’ biology plan. That must be it, yeah, Tyler thought. A faint snicker echoed in his left ear.

_2:18am, Josh Dun: but srsly come hang with us, frank and gee and josh and i r gona have some fun josh wants u to come_

_2:18am, Josh Dun: gee is gerard btw_

_2:18am, Tyler Joseph (me): If I’m allowed, sure, where are we gonna meet?_

_2:19am, Josh Dun: sweeeet we r actually just meeting outside the main school gates at like 12 if thats ok w u_

_2:19am, Tyler Joseph (me): ok I’ll text you tomorrow if I can come also can I have your number it’d be rude to text you through Josh_

_2:20am, Josh Dun: kk sending u a text from my phone now_

Tyler added Brendon’s contact into his phone with a tiny smile almost making it’s way onto his face, almost surfacing past the night shadows which wrapped his face like a mask. Maybe he was on his way to making friends. Don’t get Tyler wrong, he has friends aplenty, but making _new_ friends was a rarer occurrence these days because of his godforsaken mind messing with his social skills. That, and Blurry liked to pick on new people because they know it ticks Tyler off and they also know he can’t do anything about it without looking crazy, because for some reason nobody else can see Blurry like Tyler can. _Saturdays aren’t_ that _bad, I can do Saturdays,_ Tyler reasons to himself. _And it’s just hanging out. What’s the worse that could possibly happen?_

“Tyler, you know perfectly well what could possibly happen. You could make them all hate you.”

“I wasn’t talking to you,” he snaps back in the loudest whisper he can manage for fear of waking his brother up (his room is just across the hall). They exhale slowly, and a chilling breath of fragmented air wisps across Tyler’s neck and he thinks he feels a cold, black hand ghost over his shoulder.

“But I’m talking to you, no?” they reply sweetly, patronisingly, in a voice that sounds like cyanide dipped in sugar. They tut-tutted disappointedly, allowing glowing red eyes to manifest and float eerily in the air a few bare feet away from Tyler’s face, where he stared defiantly back with his own dark brown orbs.

“You’re not even re-real, Blurry,” Tyler murmured, more to himself than to Blurryface. Blurryface chuckled and instantly there were snakelike little shadows wreathing themselves around Tyler’s neck. He let out a little yelp and threw himself back into his chair, clawing at his neck and quickly and desperately trying to pick the squirming little creatures off.

“That’s what you say every _night_ , Tyler,” Blurryface pointed out, sounding bored, “and yet here I am.”

“It’s b-because my medicine wears off at night,” Tyler replied a little too fast, voice cracking into a whine at the end because his long fingers were wrapping around his throat in hurried attempts to throw off the black, some of it spilling onto his hands instead.

“That medicine’s not good for _us_ , Tyler,” Blurryface insisted, “I know it makes you feel too dazed and gives you headaches. Don’t take it anymore.”

“No, Blurry, it’s _good_ for _me_ , it makes me think about the bad stuff less,” Tyler defended, because it was true, and although he knew Blurry was right when they said it gave him migraines to no end and made some days float by in a dreaming daze of slurred words and empty stares, they really did help. He’d first been prescribed them late last year and since then his darkest thoughts and suicidal tendencies had been kept at bay with pleasing persistence. He still felt bad at night, though, because he always stayed up too late, which was bad in itself so Tyler assumed he deserved what he got.

“Tyler,” they drawled thickly, “you deserve the bad stuff.” Blurryface’s voice dropped to a low, harsh whisper but their flickering red eyes started burning a little weaker, the violent crimson being reduced ever so slightly. That was good, he just had to keep ignoring Blurry’s words and force himself to either sleep or write. All in due time. 

“This constant _war_ we have, Tyler,” they continued, eyes disappearing to be replaced by one shadow-infested hand dragging along the edge of his desk, protruding from a sickly white, black-ringed arm reaching out over his shoulder, skimming over stray papers like they weren’t even there, “every night. If you just give in to what your mind and I have been telling you all along you won’t have to fight anymore. Nothing will _hurt_ anymore, Tyler.” Tyler was pointedly ignoring Blurryface’s voice now, eyes focused on his tiny black notebook which he had pulled open a few hours earlier. Words written in messy, smudged black ink lay scrawled across the page. _Can I understand you? Can I understand you? Blasphemy blasphemy blasphemy blasphemy. Blasphemy is just for me. I’ve got a migraine._

“Tyler,” Blurryface near purred close to his ear, silky and dangerous like a snake, “I know you can hear me. Kill yourself, you know where your dad’s gun is.”

_No._

“Yes!”

_No, no, no._

“You _know_ you want to, friend. Just-ack-!” Tyler looked up in earnest surprise when the room suddenly got a shade brighter and two shades less blurry. In accordance with this, his phone hummed cheerfully on the desk, vibration indicating another text from the one and only Josh Dun.

_2:48am, Josh Dun: omg i am so so sorry i didnt know brendon was texting you with my phone im so sorry sorry if he woke you up i know its almost 3am omg im so sorry youre probably gonna read this when you wake up and hate my but im sorry ahh_

Tyler’s round, wide eyes softened ever so gently as the corners of his mouth suddenly quirked into a tiny smile at Josh’s text. Something about it was so sweet and cute and oh, my god - _2:49am, Josh Dun: youre still coming today/tomorrow tho right? i really hope you do but up to you i dont know sorry_ \- Blurryface suddenly seemed so far away from Tyler, his mind suddenly filled with Joshua William Dun and his ‘I hope you come tomorrow’ and the strange (and, Tyler insists, _totally heterosexual way_ ) desire and excitement to see Josh’s eye-crinkling smile and fluffy red hair.

_2:49am, Tyler Joseph (me): as long as I’m still invited and I get permission from my parents yea_

_2:50am, Josh Dun: omg youre awake did i/brendon wake you up im so sorry_

_2:50am, Josh Dun: also yay_

Tyler couldn’t help cracking the tiny smile which had flickered across his face into a full-blown grin, because _omg yay_. Honestly not even Jenna ever gave a hint of excitement when he announced he was coming over - at least, not through text…much. In any case, it had never brought about this fluttering in his stomach like it did today. Weird.

_2:50am, Tyler Joseph (me): it’s ok! I wasn’t even asleep, anyway_

_2:50am, Tyler Joseph (me): I do have one request though_

_2:51am, Josh Dun: sure what is it_

_2:51am, Tyler Joseph (me): tell me about your wonderful drum solo and I’ll read it first thing in the morning?_

_2:52am, Josh Dun: oh_

_2:52am, Josh Dun: it was nothing special but sure_

_2:53am, Tyler Joseph (me): sick as frick. Thanks, good night!_

_2:53am, Josh Dun: good night_

Tyler repressed the totally strange and unintentional urge to say something more than just _goodnight_ as he rolled off the desk chair and dragged himself into bed, pulling his sheets lazily over him in a blanket of warmth, eyelashes fluttering as his eyelids lulled shut and staying that way longer than how he’d slept in what felt like years.

He woke up late - which was strange, especially for him, and his eyes widened in surprise as he read that the time displayed on his phone read 10:12. Just below that, a tiny and old notification for a missed text from Josh. He stifled a yawn as he rolled over and snaked his arms out from underneath the mound of blankets which had formed on top of him overnight, unlocked his phone and began to read.

_3:01am, Josh Dun: my wonderful drum solo wasnt that wonderful tbh. this is a secret but all of my friends and i (thats brendon, pete, patrick, frank, gee, etc) are all super into music and can either sing or play instruments or both wow so heres the secret part we sometimes have ‘jam nights’?? i guess u would call them jam nights idk, and we play songs from cool bands like, y’know, led zeppelin and iron maiden and blink-182. if u dont know them check them out pls. anyway i lost a bet so i had to play a drum solo for five minutes w/out break it was pretty tough bc fucking brendon was my judge (he had to make sure i was playing my hardest) and he is an asshole as u can see. so ye thats the story im glad u didnt come see it i was gross by the end and it wasnt the best drumming ever seen either not even slightly lol_

_3:02am, Josh Dun: anyway im tired and gonna sleep now bye_

Tyler smiled, interested. There was no doubt that Tyler had been exposed to a disappointingly small amount of music within his family, other than chapel songs, of course, and there was also no doubt that Tyler was the musical oddity. Jay, Madison and Zack had never taken so much of a second glance at a musical instrument, and his parents were more pro-sports, especially for their basketball prodigy of a son. Tyler shuddered slightly as he recalled his dad’s disappointed frown and lecture about ‘the manliness of the Joseph boys’ the day he had arrived home from school forty minutes later than he normally would, after a lengthy stop at the local music store, with a sleek mahogany ukulele held tightly in his arms. ‘I just don’t see why you would rather spend all your time in the basement making noi… _music_ , when you could be working on getting a basketball scholarship for college. After all, it _is_ only a year away,’ his dad had said to him just the other day after confiscating a pile of Tyler’s lovingly handwritten sheet music on his arrival home from work. Meanwhile, Josh’s parents were letting him play the _drums_ , easily the noisiest and least-melodic instrument around. Tyler let out a sigh as he started making his way downstairs for breakfast. He wished _his_ parents were as lenient as Josh’s. Drums were a key element in all the songs he’d written but they were of course only $4 computer program-induced and sounded terrible. Tyler wouldn’t mind his own drumset, although he knew he was way too meek and weak to play himself.

“Good morning, honey,” his mother called from the living room as he stumbled blearily downstairs, “you slept in late.” Tyler hummed his agreement. “Morning, momma. Couldn’t sleep until late,” he replied as he arrived in the kitchen, which was half true. It wasn’t too late in his eyes but 2 am for his mother was certainly time to be asleep.

“Well, you must be hungry,” she poked her head into the kitchen, basket of washing in her hands and smiled fondly at Tyler. He smiled quickly back, returning his attention to opening the box of cereal in his hands.

“Hey momma, can I go out with some friends today?”

“Sure sweetie. Just as usual, don’t do anything dangerous, okay? No drugs, or alcohol, or ‘fun times’ with Jenna…” Tyler blushed beet red and slammed the now-open box of cereal down on the table, cornflakes spilling across the smooth marble.

“M-momma! You _know_ I wouldn’t do a-any of that,” he rushed out quickly, cheeks burning with embarrassment, “you _know_ I wouldn’t. I’m a good boy, y-you know that.” 

She laughed lightly at her son’s expense, walking over and pecking him with a soft and motherly kiss to the cheek. “Of course, I trust you Ty, but just in case, you know? When you leave be back before 9 o’clock at night, okay honey?”

“Alright, thanks momma! I will!”

_New conversation with Brendon Urie_

_10:32am, Tyler Joseph (me): hey I’ll be coming_

_10:42am, Brendon Urie: u just made josh happy gg see u at 12_

Tyler smiled and went upstairs to change, leaving the box of cereal abandoned on the table. He swallowed two pills with a quick swill of water, ignoring the dropping sensation he got in the pit of his stomach every time he took them, and pulled open his wardrobe. Maybe he should go with the ‘punk rock’ look that they all seemed to have going for them. Honestly, it wasn’t _hard_ , considering he owned a lot of black _and_ a lot of skinny jeans. He even had a pair (or two, but Tyler swore he would never wear those again) of _black_ skinny jeans.

He left his house at 11:45 am after a quick goodbye to his mother and 500 or so basket shots in his backyard (honestly, when his dad wasn’t home, he never counted how many shots he took). The walk was short and pleasant, with the sun shining brightly on a not-too-chilly not-too-hot kind of day. The moment he came in sight of the rusted main school gates, a tall, lanky redhead started waving like a madman at him, and he just couldn’t keep the bemused grin off his face as he returned the emphatic grin. Josh was there already, and Tyler was actually pretty glad about it.

“Hi, Ty!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter involves a bucketload of fluff, quite literally.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> josh likes kittens and everybody's in on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok man oh man im sorry for not updating!!! school is a shit and i am too. got some stuff goin on irl. hopefully next chapter will be better, sorry friends

Josh couldn’t be happier, he thought, than he was at that exact moment, being led into the _STAFF ONLY_ section of the animal shelter Brendon Urie had dragged him and Tyler into by the one and only Debby Ryan. Tyler followed along closely to the excited redhead, laughing as Josh nearly skipped along in excitement and Brendon trailed not far behind with his iPhone out, furiously texting _someone_ as they disappeared further into the building.

“So, Joshie,” Debby grinned as she dragged him by the hand around a corner of the staff area, “you and your…” she paused and glanced back to look at Tyler searchingly, red lips pursing slightly as her eyes travel up and down his frame, “… _friend_ can play with them for a little while, since we need to get them used to human company if they’re gonna get adopted someday. Just a little while, though, okay? You’re not on roster to be working here today, but since you _are_ a volunteer, I can let it slide - just for you, Joshie!” Josh grinned a huge, toothy smile at her and jumped out to smother her in a hug, nearly shaking with barely-contained excitement because Debby was just _the_ best _human alive,_ and if he wasn’t such a flaming homosexual and she wasn’t one of his best friends _and_ his crush wasn’t in the room right now he would’ve full on kissed her on the spot. But, funnily enough, all three of those things were the case, so he settled on a huge hug, eliciting a squeak of surprise from Debby as his muscled arms (hey, he had been playing drums for a while now) wrapped her small frame.  
“You’re the best, Debs,” he praised, flashing a bold, toothy smile at her as they pulled apart. She grinned back and reached up on tip toes to ruffle his mess of red hair. “Yeah, yeah, that’s what they all say. Alright, here we are.” 

Tyler peeked over Josh’s shoulders as Debby pulled a ring of identical-looking keys from her pocket and began to sort through them. “Josh,” Debby said, “remind Tyler of the rules of playing with the young animals for me, would you? Oh, and Brendon too. I don’t trust him.” Brendon made a mock indignant noise of hurt as he crowded slightly closer to the group, pushing Tyler into Josh in the process. Tyler muttered a quick apology to Josh, who waved it off quickly because _holy shit_ Tyler was adorable and had huge brown puppy-dog eyes which Josh guessed could rival anything in cute factor, even the ones the group were about to play with. Debby elbowed him pointedly and he jolted slightly back into focus. Oh my god, nice one, Josh. You sappy little shit, you literally got _lost in someone’s eyes._

“Right, r-right, so, obviously since they’re so young try your best not to scare them. So no huge movements or loud noises - I’m t-talking to you, Brendon,” he added with a glare at Brendon, who just grinned apologetically and shrugged, “also, be careful with them. They aren’t that used to human company yet, although they’re pretty f-fine with it, so their mother could get a bit, b-bit mad, y’know?” Tyler nodded, looking up at him solemnly with those god-damn puppy dog eyes which made Josh want to do a strange mix of both sinful and innocent things to the other boy. Brendon just smirked mischievously and returned his attention to the iPhone in his hands. Josh sighed - trust Brendon, the one who brought them here in the first place, to not be interested in what they were doing - and turned around back towards Debby.

He was greeted by three tiny kittens being unloaded into his arms. He held back a _very_ undignified squeak and abruptly dropped to the floor, crossing his long legs quickly as the kittens mewled loudly and practically spilled out of his hands. 

“Oh my _god_ ,” Josh exclaimed breathlessly, excitement bubbling up in the pit of his stomach as he ran one gentle hand over a calico ball of fluff which was now nosing along his skinny jeans. Behind him, Tyler laughed, a sweet and happy sound which made Josh feel even _better_ , because oh my god, _kittens and the best crush in the universe all at once._ Josh heard Tyler make a noise of surprise, then he was dropping down to the floor just next to Josh, grinning profusely with a tiny black kitten cradled in his hands. 

“This is adorable, holy _shit,_ ” Tyler said, and Josh nodded absently, caught up in the fact that _oh my god there were fucking kittens purring at him,_ rubbing the calico’s chin softly. Tyler assumed the same cross-legged position as Josh had, thigh just barely touching Josh’s, and immediately the tiny black cat in his hands squirmed away from his grasp and leapt almost eagerly into Josh’s lap, who practically crooned as it sniffed and pawed curiously at his stray hand.

“No fair,” Tyler whined, and Josh glanced up to see Tyler staring dismally at Josh’s three kittens, “how come you never told me you were a secret cat whisperer?”

“I love cats, and cats love me.T-Tyler, all is right with the world.”

“Well, cat boy, hold still,” Tyler laughed, gently picking up the tabby and white kitten which had very quickly settled down in the crook of Josh’s left leg, eliciting a (heart-meltingly adorable, in Josh’s opinion) mewl of protest as he did so, and Tyler slowly set down the tabby in Josh’s mess of red curls. Josh straightened out ever so slightly as he felt tiny kitten claws press gently into his scalp. Tyler cooed exaggeratedly, reaching out to pinch Josh’s cheeks jokingly. Josh flinched back a little at the touch almost reflexively, reddening as he did so and proceeding to blush furiously when Tyler pulled his hand back, looking a little crestfallen but still adorable, the latter even more so when he leaned back to look at Josh properly and nearly squealed in a not-at-all-manly way, fidgeting slightly in his position cross legged on the floor.

“Oh my _gosh_ , Josh!” Tyler exclaimed, eyes gleaming happily as he pulled his phone from his pocket. “This is easily the highest _cute_ level a ‘punk rock youth’ has ever achieved, man oh man, mind if I take a picture of you and this cute lil’ kitty?” 

Josh internally screamed even as he nodded shyly, fighting to force the blush of his cheeks as he gathered up the tiny calico easily in his palm and fit it comfortably into the crook of his arm, starting to gently stroke it’s back with one finger, thinking _fuck fuck fuck Tyler you adorable_ asshole _oh my God_ and valiantly ignoring Debby and Brendon’s hushed snickering. Tyler’s camera went of with a faux shutter snap and Tyler beamed brightly, handing him his phone after staring at his photo for a few moments. There was an image of Josh looking awkward and lanky as usual, legs crossed together loosely with a tiny little black cat poking it’s head over one ankle. In the midst of his fire-red hair two wide green eyes peered out curiously, tabby paws and tail poking out haphazardly from the crimson mess atop his head while an even smaller calico struggled about in the crook of his elbow, stray cat hairs starkly visible on his plain black hoodie. His face was turned slightly away from the camera, eyes locked fondly on the little calico at his arm, a tiny grin on his face, and Josh was struck with the thought that _wow, I almost look_ good _in this photo for once._  
“…you guys even here today?” Josh caught Debby mutter to Brendon as Josh laughed softly and returned the phone to Tyler’s waiting hand.

“I’m _totally_ hooking these two up,” he heard Brendon reply, and suppressed a sigh because to hell with it, he _certainly_ wasn’t complaining about spending time with kittens and an even cuter Tyler Joseph, “I mean, really, what’s cuter than a cute redhead and kittens?”

“A cute redhead and drums?” Debby replied wryly and Josh quickly turned his attention back to Tyler and the tabby which was getting dangerously close to sliding off his head. No way did he want to hear anyone talking about him, _especially_ about how he looked all gross and sweaty and shirtless on the drums. Hell no.

“I’m posting this on Instagram, dude, what’s your username?” Tyler was asking, busying himself with typing furiously on his phone.

“Oh, u-uh,” Josh flailed, a sudden rush of nerves making him shift uncomfortably and laugh awkwardly, one hand gently prying the kitten from it’s new nest in his hair and the other coming up to rub the back of his neck quickly. He had never posted a picture of himself before online, really, there were only one or two photos of him in total floating around in cyberspace, from back when he was around fourteen (back when he, unfortunately enough, was going through an ‘emo’ phase and had an _incredibly_ cringeworthy ‘emo fringe’) and the prospect of having photos of him available for anyone always made him nervous more than it should’ve.

“It’s spookyjim,” Brendon supplied helpfully and Tyler thanked him absently, focus returning to his phone while Josh shot Brendon the darkest look he could summon with a wriggling pile of fluff in his lap, which was to his horror replied to with a giggle and knowing smirk by not just Brendon, but _Debby_ too. _Oh, come on, Debby’s in on this too? As if ninety percent of the people I know isn’t enough_ , he thought miserably as Debby cackled and Brendon started making inappropriate gestures with his hands.

“Done!” Tyler cried triumphantly, and Josh quickly turned back to face him, only to make a little noise of half-hearted protest which quickly turned into a giggle as one of the kittens on his lap pounced onto Tyler’s nearby leg and started gnawing at his fingers as he went to pet the tiny animal.

“Oh come on,” Tyler pouted, shoving his iPhone into his pocket and attempting to stroke the black cat now furiously biting with tiny teeth at his fingers, “why must I be attacked by tiny kittens while they literally adore you? You’re the punk one here. They should be cowering in fear and running to me. I should be king of the kittens.” Josh blinked, staring at Tyler’s pouty face momentarily before collapsing into another laugh.

“King of the kittens?” Josh repeated, voice surprisingly light with laughter, and Tyler huffed loudly, closing his eyes and straightening up slightly.

“Okay, so maybe it’s not the most masculine title ever,” Tyler conceded quickly, causing Josh to laugh louder because _oh my lord above, how cute could this boy get_ , “but it’s freaking _royal_. Better than king of the werecats, anyway.” Tyler glared at Josh in the most serious manner he could manage before the black ball of fluff in his lap let out a loud _meow_ of protest and he started to giggle too, soft and honey-sweet.

“King of the werecats?” Josh asked as his laughter died down, and started herding the three tiny kittens as gently as he could into the space between them because they were, of course, live animals, and started lifting them up one by one back into their cage where their mother waited expectantly.

“Totally, it’s, ah, from some gaming video I watched on YouTube,” Tyler explained rather sheepishly, and as Josh turned back around to see him join Josh in his standing position he noted Tyler looked a little embarrassed. 

“Well, what game? Because, if it w-wasn’t like, Donkey Kong or something, I, I’m not interested.” 

“Dude, the soundtrack to one of the older Donkey Kong games is my _shit_ , honestly,” Tyler replied, looking excited, “I fricking _shred_ to that. On my uke, of course, but still. I shred.”

“You jam out,” Josh stated agreeably, to which Tyler nodded solemnly. 

“Hate to break you two lovebirds up,” interjected Brendon with a sharkish grin, “but Frank and Gee are waiting outside, so the _real_ fun can start.” 

Josh gave Debby a quick hug and thanked her profusely for letting them play with the kittens, to which she replied; “Anytime. Oh, and if you ever need help getting this cutie,” her voice dropped low and quiet and she grinned a grin which rivalled Brendon’s in cunning, “you know who to call, Jishwa.” Josh blushed and punched her lightly in the arm but still digressed from telling her that Tyler was probably 110% straight _and_ had a girlfriend. Somewhere in his head, he was grateful for the confidence that his friends had in him. Plus, he really, _really_ wouldn't mind Tyler being his boyfriend, and no matter how unlikely the chances of that ever happening, it never hurt to try. Right?

“So, Josh, I never asked, uh, what are we doing today, exactly?” Tyler asked quietly as they were walking out of the shelter, so close behind him that Josh felt his breath on his neck. Apparently Brendon heard him, because he stopped in his energised bounds to turn back - causing Josh to bump awkwardly into his back - and flash a winning smile towards the duo. 

“So, Tyler, ever smoked weed?” Brendon asked conversationally, a casual lilt to his voice, and Tyler literally choked on his own words, causing Josh to snicker under his breath.

“U-uh,” Tyler stammered lamely, running a hand through his hair and glancing downwards for a moment, “no…?” Brendon’s smile grew impossibly larger and he sprang back into walking, calling in a sing-song voice, “oh, this is gonna be _fun._ ” Tyler just shrugged sheepishly and followed him out of the doorway. Debby giggled and sang something along the lines of ‘the innocent can never last’ under her breath.

Josh just groaned and followed Tyler out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps comments are GOOD SHIT  
> pps this is my tumblr/ig @datasymphony hit me up we can be best friends for ever


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tyler doesn't have a clue

 

Tyler was sitting on the highest branch he could find that would support him, thankfully. Ordinarily for Tyler, that would be the most ‘rebellious’ he would be able to get - his parents dearly hated his habit of climbing which had developed over the past year and tended to keep him away from any trees or high structures that looked like they could be scaled. They were just worried about him, Tyler knew that, but he couldn’t ignore the tempting clarity of being high above the ground, with everything visible below him and clearer air and space to think without anything dragging him down.

“Fuck, Tyler! How’d you even get up that high?” Tyler looked down the tree in the general direction of the voice which he’d momentarily thought to _be_ his parents themselves reprimanding him for climbing, to see the snickering face of Frank peering up at him from further down in the tree.

“Get it? _High,_ ” Frank giggled quietly, last comment intended more towards the redhead curled up with him in the space where the branches began to split from the trunk, who just rolled his eyes and snuggled a little closer towards the short teen.

“Yes, I get it,” Gerard sighed equally as quietly, smiling, then proceeding to twine their legs lazily together and make insistent grabby hands at the joint which was held casually between two of Frank’s fingers. Tyler sighed and returned his gaze to looking over the park the tree called home.   
Tyler wasn’t smoking weed, of course. He was a good boy - the star of their school’s basketball team, heading towards state-fame, and had never so much as _looked_ at alcohol, let alone drugs of any sort (until today), never stayed out past curfew and only ever received a single detention for being late for biology once. He was the kind of teenage boy that mothers looked at from the sidelines of a basketball court, sighed blissfully and silently prayed that their kid would turn out _just like him_. Tyler couldn’t help but snort at that last one whenever he heard it - if they _really_ knew him, they wouldn’t be wanting their children to turn out anything like him, a teenager with dangerously sad and dark thoughts, an imaginary friend who wanted him dead and a hidden love of instruments and writing black, equally-dark poetry slash lyrics. He blinked, hurrying the thoughts out of his mind, and continued to gaze across the familiar park the five teens had now laid claim to. He could remember this park, from back when he was young and carefree. He’d play tag and hide and seek with his siblings with his dad, and sometimes they’d pretend to be NBA-level basketballers.   
There was a small pond near the centre of the park, surrounded by picnic tables and bushes, with a gravel path leading from one side of the pond to the other, where a small playground with a few kids occupying the slide and monkey bars was situated. The side Tyler was on of the pond was near the fence lining the back of the park, where trees grew almost wildly and the ground was littered (to Tyler’s disgust) with used cigarettes, condoms and beer bottles. It was almost funny - just across that pond there was a happy family laughing on a swing set, totally oblivious to the teens on the opposite end of the park, and on this side you could practically smell the scent of broken teenage spirit in the air, even as high up off the ground as Tyler was. It had made him feel a little sick walking across to this tree, actually, the tangible scent of drugs and alcohol - all the more reason to stay up in the uppermost branches.

It was only just getting dark - after the animal shelter, Brendon, Josh and he had been picked up by an enthusiastic Frank and Gerard, who had proceeded to drive to Taco Bell (with Frank sending them dark glares and sparking up a rant about how he was a _vegan_ and he’d rather _not_ eat dead animal, thank you very much), and then shortly after they had finished their food, to Tyler’s utter horror, gotten them kicked out of said Taco Bell for ‘excess PDA’. Tyler had watched somewhat awkwardly while Josh and Brendon just rolled their eyes and began to bet with Tyler on how far they could go as Gerard and the vegan rather passionately making out and causing the teenage guy behind the counter to start to shift and sweat uncomfortably until he finally asked them to leave. 

“Homophobe”, Frank had snarled angrily as they left, letting one arm snake around Gerard’s waist and throwing a middle finger towards the employee with the other. They’d gone to Frank’s house next and spent a few hours just hanging around, as his parents weren’t home, messing with his guitars. Tyler had been awkward with the strings, them being much too different from his tiny ukulele, in the end opting to sit with Josh and just watch as the other three teens performed an impromptu blink-182 medley. 

“I want to maybe learn bass, but n-nothing could ever replace my drums,” Josh had informed him, smiling crookedly and nodding towards the bass propped against the wall behind where Brendon was playing the riff of I Miss You on an acoustic guitar. Tyler had nodded enthusiastically, because hell yes, bass _would_ be a cool instrument to learn and maybe he could even learn it some day. He’d relayed these thoughts to Josh and Josh had responded with equal enthusiasm (‘yeah dude, th-that’d be, that’d be sick! Mikey - that’s Gee’s brother - owns that bass, you could _totally_ ask him to teach you’). 

Not long afterwards was when they’d decided, with lax grins and devilish smiles, to take a small portion of Frank’s cleverly hidden (and alarmingly large) weed stash and head to this park. Brendon had attempted to convince Tyler to try smoking, which he had rather nervously but still vehemently denied, despite Josh quietly adding that it ‘really couldn’t hurt to try’ and also despite Tyler feeling surprisingly tempted by the drug. Brendon and Josh had wandered off and sat down together at the base of an adjacent tree, sharing a joint and talking in quiet, lulled and cheerful voices.

Tyler sighed and adjusted his position on the branch, faded green leaves brushing his cheek as he did so and glanced across to where Josh sat with Brendon, far below him and past the tangle that was Frank and Gerard. He wanted to talk to Josh, not Brendon or Frank or Gerard. He wanted to talk to just Josh alone, to figure out what he was thinking, why he had such severe anxiety, why he’d been so sympathetic when Tyler’d cried like a little bitch and why he’d flinched away from Tyler’s touch back at the animal shelter. He wanted to know why he died his hair, what was so _amazing_ about kittens, although he could admit they were pretty damn adorable, and did he believe in aliens? He wanted to know about his friends too, of course, because he was friends with motherfucking Brendon Urie and Pete Wentz _and_ Frank Iero, wildly popular party kids who were loved by most all other seniors and yet Tyler had hardly heard of him until recently. Not to mention that now he was hanging out with said popular kids thanks to Josh. 

But, of course, he wanted to know all about Josh not for any reason other than Josh was the first interesting person to come into his life for a while. _Not_ because he was cute, and certainly not because had a smile which made him feel all warm and fuzzy like Jenna had when they’d first started dating. _No_ , not at all. He almost tried to argue with that idea with the thought that _Jenna_ had been an interesting person to come into his life recently, but he couldn’t bring himself to believe that because honestly, they’d always been the best of friends, long before they’d started dating, and the only thing that had changed was they exchanged kisses every so often. Not that that was _bad_ , he liked Jenna a lot - it just wasn’t something that really interested him like this new circle of friends had.

“T-Tyler!”   
Tyler snapped out of his trance-like state and glanced down towards the voice. Josh was standing up now, at the base of the tree Tyler was perched in, looking up at him with wide eyes. He could barely make out the expertly-rolled joint in Josh’s hand.

“Yeah, dude, what’s up?” Tyler replied, gripping the branch with one hand and sliding down to the branch below to get more in range of Josh’s soft voice.

“Come down here, man, I w-wanna talk,” Josh yelled back, voice ringing with a previously unheard of confidence that Tyler was a little shocked by. “Sure, I’m coming down now,” he replied, twisting and beginning to make his way easily down the tree. He landed a jump easily, brushing off his knees as he straightened up in stance, looking up to see Josh staring at him in awe.

“You’re like a monkey,” Josh observed with a childish giggle, to Tyler’s amusement, “crazy. Anyway, c’mere, Tyler. Come sit with, with me and Beebo, you look lonely.” Josh’s face creased momentarily into a small frown before it cleared away and he quickly clasped Tyler’s hand in his own and began to pull him towards the tree where the two had been sitting.Tyler nearly jerked back at the fact that the red haired teen was suddenly holding his god damn _hand_ , okay, that was a _little_ bit sudden, but his hand was warm and comfortable and seemed to fit with his perfectly (no homo, though, Tyler _insisted_ upon it). Maybe it was the weed influencing his actions, Tyler reasoned to himself as he was being led across the few metres ***** towards Brendon. He didn’t know what weed even _did_ to people, after all, all he knew was it was a feel-good drug that was probably dangerous and probably addictive and oh wait - he was hanging out with a group of teenagers smoking this exact and probably incredibly dangerous drug, oh no, this wasn’t gonna look good if his momma found him and _oh no_ , what if they lost their minds to the drug and murdered him? Oh lord, what if _Josh_ murdered him? After seeing him crying, and all, and he seemed so nice, too, he didn’t want to die by the meek teen’s crazy drug-induced hand—

“Tyler, you’re s-staring at me,” Josh stated quickly, snapping Tyler out of his thoughts and quickly bringing blood rushing to his face to colour his cheeks - he was, indeed, staring right into Josh’s wide, warm brown eyes. Josh’s expression was flustered and yet strangely lax, his mouth twisted into a friendly grin, eyes blown wide, his cheeks equally as red as Tyler’s. Tyler thought he looked pretty cute, honestly - in a homosexual way, though, _obviously_. Josh coughed and Tyler started because oh my god he was still staring, wasn’t he.

“Sorry! Just thinking,” Tyler replied, rubbing his neck and glancing away quickly, opting to follow Josh’s lead and sit down between him and Brendon, who was giggling wildly, one hand covering his mouth in a feeble attempt to hide his giggles.

“You climb really well,” Josh stated, crossing his legs and leaning back against the tree, taking the blunt from Brendon’s free hand and lifting it to his lips. Tyler’s eyes followed the movement to his lips and then looked away quickly, blushing fiercely because _oh my_ god _his lips were perfect they looked so soft and ki-NO I’m straight his lips just look like they could be a girls, you know?_

“Uh, thanks, I guess. I like climbing.”  
“Clearly,” Josh grinned, taking a long drag of the blunt and blowing smoke slowly from his mouth, wisps winding upwards slowly towards the now-dark sky.

“Why do you do drugs?” Tyler asked suddenly - because yes, he _wanted_ to know why Josh, such a nice, shy kid would give his life over to something so obviously dangerous and life destroying as weed probably most likely was. Josh put the smoke back to his lips, shifting to gaze at Tyler with amused eyes but not responding, instead opting to blow more smoke into the air between them.

“Personal question, dude,” Brendon replied, tone light but something about the way he spoke warned him not to press any further. “Why have you never smoked weed? It’s not as if it’s a rare or painful experience. The ‘Mary Jane’, so the kids say, is pretty fuckin’ great in my opinion.” Josh hummed in agreement and Tyler’s eyes widened.

“But it’s-it’s _addictive_! And dangerous,” he cried looking at both of them with pleading eyes. They stared back at him with eyes equally as wide, and for a moment the group was quiet.

“So, Tyler,” Brendon started incredulously, breaking the silence “you’re reluctant to try ‘blazing it’, as they say, because you think weed’s a dangerous and addictive drug?” Tyler blushed again and nodded, causing both Josh and Brendon to break out into laughter. Tyler ducked his head and laughed along sheepishly. What did he know? He was a _good_ kid, he stayed away from drugs and alcohol like they were the plague. “Why would I know?” he defended heatedly, crossing his arms and pouting ever so slightly - which to his horror only elicited more laughter from the two. “H-how sheltered _are_ you, dude?” Josh choked out, nudging him with his shoulder, nearly shaking from laughter.

“I _promise_ , weed isn’t dangerous or addictive, man. If it was I wouldn’t be smoking it, _Josh_ wouldn’t be smoking it,” Josh nodded solemnly at this despite his trying and failing to quell his laughter, “and Gee _definitely_ wouldn’t be - Frank wouldn’t let him, anyway. It absolutely wouldn’t hurt to try it. No pressure, obviously, but I _dare_ you.” Brendon’s eyes gained a mischievous glint as he spoke and Tyler grinned. Brendon was loud and never seemed to run out of things to say that were new to Tyler. He had been offered drugs before, a few times, of course - most every teenager had, but never _dared_ to. “Or what?” he challenged in response, shifting around to be more comfortable against the trunk of the tree.

“Or, you have to kiss Josh.”  
“ _What?_ ” came the simultaneous indignant shrieks from both Josh and Tyler. Brendon cackled and leaned closer to Tyler. He glanced away from the wickedly grinning boy, towards Josh - who’s face was beet red and was staring at Brendon, looking desperate, betrayed and a little…was that longing? _No,_ Tyler decided firmly, _it’s just the drugs. Oh no, what if_ I’m _high from the smoke? Can you even get high from that? Probably._

“You heard me,” Brendon confirmed, sharkish smile growing impossibly wider, “you have to kiss Josh, basically. I know you, Tyler, you’re a basketball star, A-standard student, and I’ve never seen you at any of the wild parties and from what I’ve heard you haven’t even had _sexy times_ with your girlfriend - face it, you’re a totally sheltered seventeen-year old _child_ , there’s no _way_ you’re gonna smoke. Not that that’s bad,” he added as an afterthought, “it’s pretty cute, actually. Too bad cute isn’t my flavour, sex-on-legs hot - aka Ryan - is. You, however, would suit Josh perfectly.”  
Tyler looked across at Josh’s bright red face, feeling almost shy. He wasn’t generally one to back down from challenges, not anymore, at least, and after all - how bad could it be, right? And they wanted to be friends, after all, this would probably bring them closer together, as long as nobody made it weird. Besides…he reasoned to himself, (in a last-ditch effort a small, ‘no homo’ part of his brain had put in) Josh was stoned, right? He probably wouldn’t even remember this in the morning. Brendon was still staring at him intently, Josh still glaring determinedly at the ground, one hand now picking feverishly at the grass below his sneakers like his life depended on it. Weed was pretty much out of the option - for now, at least. He _really_ didn’t want to mess up his possible basketball career, no, his dad would kill him, and he didn’t even know the side effects of marijuana, whether they were hallucinative, or whether they’d make him see Blurry again, or anything. He could always reject both - Tyler was surprisingly confident in the assumption that nobody here would judge him for it, but Josh _didn’t_ have bad lips, and it’s not as if he wasn’t…aesthetically pleasing, after all…(no homo, that same small part of his brain had insisted weakly, as if it didn’t really believe itself)

“So, what do you say, Ty-guy? Ditch, blaze it or make out with Spooky Jim over here?” Brendon pressed, tone light and eyes sparkling. He quickly ran through the options in his mind one last time.  
“O-okay,” Tyler replied after a few moments of hesitation, trying to ignore the way his voice cracked at the end of his response. Brendon made an incoherent noise of surprise and Tyler was pretty sure he heard Josh actually choke. 

“Wait, really? Damn, you’re good, I thought your ‘no homo sense’ would’ve overpowered you. Even despite the temptation of the hot piece of ass that is Josh Du—”

“Let’s just get this over with, Tyler interrupted quietly, muttering the words and immediately turning to face Josh. 

Josh glanced up quickly, the surprise evident on his face even as Tyler hurriedly cupped his cheek with one hand and kissed him full on the lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for not updating i just am a lil bleh u know  
> also  
> josh and tyler got tattoos i ship the bromance so much  
> ALSO  
> im thinking of starting a new fic as my main priority bc this one isnt that original (this one would still be updated tho) abt josh being a korean transfer student and tyler seeing things as a forest rather than reality and them just gettin real close, u know? all that coming of age shit   
> what do u think  
> i hope u all had a happy halloweenie


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im losing motivation and josh is let down

Josh’s eyes were very wide open, and then quickly fluttered shut. Tyler Joseph was kissing him, soft and sweet and definitely more than just a dare, almost, _almost_ dirty, and it was fucking _hot_ , and Josh was so okay with it and for just for a moment, his high-flying mind was focused on nothing else other than the fact that Tyler Joseph’s - _Tyler fucking Joseph’s_ \- lips were on his, anxiety out the window, stray wisps of smoke curling above their heads and for a moment things almost felt _okay._  

Only for a moment, though, of course only for a moment, because suddenly Tyler was pulling away from him, quickly retracting his soft-skinned hand which had somehow found its way to rest on Josh’s cheek. Josh blinked his eyes back open, almost disappointed, but his mind quickly flared back into anxiety because Tyler’s eyes were wide and panicked and - what, disgusted? - as he tripped back away from both Brendon and Josh, stumbling quickly to his feet and then dashing away. Josh watched him go numbly, the drug-induced flush on his cheeks being easily replaced by vivid-red embarrassment.

“Oh, fuck,” Josh mumbled, promptly wanting to throw up, because _fuck, Tyler looked_ disgusted _when he pulled away and ran off because he_ hates _me, he hates me I’ve fucked it all up haven’t I? I’m disgusting, oh god, oh fuck._ Something in his head faintly told him he needed more weed to quell the panic rising in his throat like bile.

“Josh-” Brendon began, voice quieter and more raw than normal - the voice he used, Josh recognised bitterly, when he was talking Josh out of or down from a panic attack. _Fuck that,_ Josh spat angrily to himself, not even noticing a cracked, broken laugh slip from his lips.

“Th-that’s fucking, fucking g-g-grand,” he laughed, pushing himself up from the tree, yanking his hand from Brendon’s as the teen tried to grab him quickly, “he r-ran, he ran away from me.”

“Josh,” Brendon tried again, but Josh decided he wasn’t listening, anxiety, paranoia and a long pent-up mix of anger and embarrassment suddenly swirling in his chest and souring his blood, the only sound in his ears a dull, angry roar. Tyler kissed him and ran away, because he was disgusted. By Josh, by the fact that he kissed _Josh_. He couldn’t even stick around because that’s how gross _Josh_ was, and oh god, Josh had even had the audacity to enjoy that - because he was sick and inconsiderate and now Tyler, one of the only new friends - no, _ex-friends_ \- he had made in the past year, hated him.

“D-did, did you see his…his _f-face_ , Bren? Haha, h-he was fucking _d-di-disgusted_ by me. J-just like _you, y-you_ are, I, I-I know it,” he stumbled in the general direction of where Tyler had ran, ignoring the redhead and his much-shorter companion slipping out of a tree and starting quietly towards him. 

“Josh, we aren’t-” “Shut up!” Josh hissed loudly, interrupting Brendon angrily, “th-this isn’t fucking, this isn’t f-fucking _okay!_ Nothing is, i-is okay! I j-just fucked that up! He’s going t-to, h-e’s going to…” he trailed off, tripping on a root rising out of the ground and vaguely registering that Gerard had caught him as he fell, because oh _god, he’s going to tell all his friends about how I tried to kiss him and they’re going to fuck me over just like my last school and none of my friends will want to hang out with me anymore and oh_ shit, _my dad is gonna be so mad._

“Calm down, J,” Gerard’s slightly-raspy voice filtered into his ear softly, and suddenly, strangely, he _was_ calm, too calm, and Josh felt like he had suddenly emerged into the eye of the storm in his head as he struggled back to his feet, still in Gerard’s arms. His dad was gonna be so mad. Oh, _no._ Tyler and potential-homophobic asses at school slipped his mind easily because, his dad was gonna be _so, so mad._

“My dad,” he stated, voice terrifyingly monotone, “oh n-no, he’s going to have re-re-realised I’m, I’m not home. My dad will k-kill me.” As soon as he heard Frank’s short gasp and Brendon’s tiny hitch in his breathing, coupled with _feeling_ Gerard tense under him, he knew his friends knew it too. Fuck. _Fuck._ He ripped himself from Gerard’s grip, rising on unsteady legs and valiantly ignoring the way he could feel his entire body shaking.

“My dad will kill me,” he repeated, voice still flat but much, much smaller. “He’ll k-kill me.” 

Then suddenly Brendon was on the phone to someone, talking in hushed, worried tones, and Josh was on the ground huddled up between Frank and Gerard while they talked between themselves or at him and Josh felt hazy and disoriented and disconnected, not quite panicked but definitely nowhere near calm.

“Patrick’s gonna come pick you up, okay? He’s coming from picking up Joe from one of his stoner weekend party…things. You can stay with him overnight, his parents are out, and they love you anyway. Okay?” 

Josh blinked, once, twice, as the sound of Brendon’s voice gradually registered, concerned and gentle and tense all at once, almost too much to process. He made some vague noise of agreement as the information filtered in and let himself be enveloped in an awkwardly-angled hug from Brendon, who seemed even more worried about Josh’s fate than _Josh himself_ was, and he let the last dregs of anger drain away and be replaced by something of strange acceptance because somehow he’d landed himself a great best friend (overtly sexual, yes, maybe a bit too touchy-feely, yes, too loud, _definitely_ , but great nonetheless) who was absolutely okay with Josh making an ass of himself in front of his Big-100%-Straight-Crush and absolutely okay with him getting so angry in his embarrassment and so sad the next second. Josh rolled his damp eyes against the crook of Brendon’s neck because he knew he was overreacting - it was like he was back in his world of overreactions that was his Teen Angst emo phase again. 

But he was _scared_ of his father, oh god, he was scared, and that cold fear remained ever-present, lingering in the back of his head as the conversation between the four teenagers slipped back into something kind of light and friendly, but still ever-so slightly cautious, and a joint was finished quickly by the four of them (which was probably the reason by the time Patrick showed up, with a concerned Pete Wentz practically pouncing on him from the passenger seat, Josh hadn’t felt quite so terrified as to flinch away from his touch). He was scared out of his wits by drunken fists and raised voices, of alcohol as a whole, in fact, and yet his fear wasn’t unwarranted - his bruised side felt the need to remind him of that at that moment with a painful twinge. 

Brendon planted a soft kiss on his cheek, something soft and friendly and reassuring in the way they could only get away with after years of best-friendship, breaking off his train of thought and quelling the shake that had risen slightly in his hands.

“If you need me, call me, okay?” Brendon informed him in a low voice, meeting his eyes earnestly. “I’ll stay up all night for you, Joshie. Well, you, and Ryan’s crashing at mine, but you know - details.” Josh smiled a tiny smile, because Brendon was honestly so fucking _great_ , okay, no homo (his full-homo heart had just been ripped away from him by Tyler fucking Joseph, okay, he may as well be straight right now) and so _Brendon_ that he felt almost grounded.

“Thinking of me, w-when, when you fuck? Dude, g-gross. That’s _gay_.” He shuddered in mock-disgust, grin widening to Cheshire cat-level, and sure, it was a little too forced, but Brendon snortedall the same and shoved him gently, rolling his eyes as Josh followed Pete into the backseat of Patrick’s beat up car, to be greeted with a lazy wave from Joe fucking Trohman, who looked way too pleased to just be crammed in the backseat of a shitty third-hand car with two other guys, but then again, this was _Joe fucking Trohman_ , so he was probably as high as the clouds right now. Higher, maybe.

“Whatever you say, Dun. No homo between my _boyfriend_ and I, though, I can’t believe you’d even _dare_ suggest that. Am I right, Wentz? No homo?” Pete responded by flipping him off enthusiastically, blowing him a pouty kiss while slamming the door to the backseat, and then kicking Patrick’s chair with an eager ‘let’s gooo, ‘Trickkkkk.’

Patrick’s house was a lot more full than Josh had hoped. For one, Pete was there; and Pete was being, well, _Pete_ , and Joe hadn’t been dropped off like Josh had been quietly hoping he would be, instead following him and Pete out of the backseat of Patrick’s car, and Andy Hurley was crashed on the couch when the three of them walked through the door. Patrick noticed Josh’s uncomfortable expression he had accidentally let slide onto his face and opened his mouth to say something, perhaps a classic sheepish Patrick-apology for the small party of people, when he was interrupted by Pete practically folding into him against the door frame, curling against him like a cat at a fireplace despite Patrick’s loud, indignant squawk of protest.

“Hey, Dun,” Andy greeted from the couch, drawing Josh’s attention away from the two shorter teens in the doorway, Andy barely batting an eye when Joe slid onto the couch next to him, “you look like your crush just kissed you and then ran away.” Josh blinked at Andy’s words and felt his stomach turn momentarily - his face didn’t give _that_ much away, did it? “Kidding, Patrick let me know what happened when he was coming to pick you up. Sorry, man, we straight guys _suck_ sometimes.” The joke was light but his tone was sympathetic, almost pitying in the incredibly sweet way only Andy could pull off so flawlessly, and Josh felt his cheeks flush as he looked away, muttering a curse to Tyler Joseph under his breath as he did so.

He collapsed on to the free couch, sliding back into the cushioning bonelessly. _Damn_ Tyler Joseph. So what if he…so _what_ if he was disgusted by him. So what if he was straight and the thought of kissing another guy - kissing Josh - made him feel disgusted. Tyler Joseph was just a homophobic asshole of a crush. It was fine. Josh was _fine_. _Fine. Absolutely, soul-crushingly_ fine _._ He sighed melodramatically, curling his legs underneath him and turning to watch Patrick in the kitchen just across from the living room, struggling to open a can of something - he couldn’t tell what it was, though, because Pete was hanging off him languidly, trying to take up as much of Patrick’s attention and vision as possible, and his hand was covering Patrick’s on the can. He hoped to god it wasn’t alcohol - he fucking _hated_ alcohol, he couldn’t care less about the lovesick-puppy look Pete was giving Patrick over the can, or the fond, exasperated look Patrick wore as he brought one hand into Pete’s hair and kissed him softly. Josh snorted quietly and looked determinedly away, to where Joe was explaining to Andy how he ‘literally had no idea where he even was right now, dude’. Josh _wasn’t_ jealous of Patrick and Pete’s kiss - he certainly wasn’t envious of their puppy love expressions _after_ they’d kissed, or in how close proximity they were to one another. He _wasn’t._  

Fucking Tyler Joseph.

Suddenly, a pair of long arms were slipping under his from behind the couch, wrapping him in a hug, and Josh resisted the urge to flinch, because _oh my god there were more people in this house come_ on, and they were deciding to sneak up on the poor innocent Josh who currently was on a Gay Crush Crisis Comedown and would really like to be treated like the fragile kid he felt he was.

“Josh, _mi amigo,_ ” a familiar voice purred, and Josh instantly grinned, twisting around to reciprocate the hug over the back of the couch. “Gabe!” he smiled loudly into the tall Latino’s shoulder. He pulled away to inspect Gabe’s grinning face, because holy shit, who cares about Tyler Joseph, he hadn’t seen Gabe Saporta in _months_. 

“Joshua Dun,” Gabe greeted, sounding sincerely pleased to see him, and his eyes flashing with something, and oh _yes_ , who cares about Tyler Joseph.

“How’s c-college, dude?” Josh asked as Gabe slithered over the back of the couch and burrowed his long lanky legs under Josh until Josh was practically sitting in his lap, jesus, Gabe was just as touchy-feely as Pete - meaning college clearly hadn’t changed him too much.

“It’s fucking wild,” Gabe replied easily, “not the same without Petey-Panda, though.” He frowned and leaned back, inadvertently pulling Josh down with him, who fought not to blush. “Yo Pete! You didn’t fucking tell me Joshie was gonna be here, you asshole. I would’ve brought a cake or some shit!” he yelled, earning a snort and a shout of ‘leave my sweet child alone’ from the kitchen and some quietly sarcastic remark from Patrick which Josh didn’t catch that sent anxiety spiralling through his brain.

“Man, I-I wish I, wish I didn’t smoke s-s-so much weed,” Josh sighed, “a few h-hits and I, I’m not high a-at all. My tolerance is th-that of a rock.” Gabe laughed sympathetically and reached up from his lazily sprawled position on the couch to ruffle Josh’s firetruck-red hair. Josh blushed again, then looked away quickly because fucking _no_ , he wasn’t blushing, he was _getting over his Big Gay Crush_.

“I like your hair, my little stoner friend. _Es muy lindo,_ ” he mused and Josh felt a pang because Tyler had told him he’d liked his hair red just earlier that day, at Frank’s place. That didn’t stop him from blushing, though. Gabe was, admittedly, a _very_ good distraction with the way his hand lingered in place, tangled in Josh’s hair as he mumbled back a thank you.

“Okay, break it up ladies - no making out on my couch! That’s my _favourite_ couch,” Patrick’s voice suddenly sounded very close to Josh’s ear and he jerked up quickly, embarrassed and flustered _he wasn’t going to make out with Gabe Saporta_ and valiantly ignoring the way Gabe’s hand slipped from his hair. Pete and Patrick were standing next to the couch, Patrick fidgeting with his fedora, and Andy and Joe were watching them from the other. Well - Andy was. Joe was talking to himself at lightspeed about who knows what and gesturing grandly with his hands, staring into space with intense concentration.

“Gabey baby,” Pete frowned, “Joshie here’s just had his gay little heart attacked by a big dumb white boy. Don’t be making moves on him yet.”

“W-we weren’t going to m-make, make out! What the f-fuck?” Josh cried indignantly, feeling a surge of thrilled horror when he glanced back at Gabe to see him shrug sheepishly.

“Tyler Joseph? You’re still into that fuckboy? _Mi querida_ ,” Gabe sympathised, straight up ignoring the allegations of making out in favour of humming sadly.   
“H-he’s not a fuckboy,” Josh replied quietly. He was so stupid. He didn’t need to be defending Tyler - Tyler Joseph who had ran off after they’d become friends and kissed, even, jesus. Tyler Joseph who was on the basketball team and had a _girlfriend_ and had almost exclusively jock friends. Tyler Joseph who probably was totally uncomfortable with gay people and probably hated Josh and probably had _tons_ of straight, normal sex with his straight, beautiful girlfriend.

“He’s totally a fuckboy,” Pete supplied helpfully. Josh shot him a half-hearted glare.

“He kind of is, though, sorry,” Andy agreed, “I overheard him talking about Nike and the new iPhone for at _least_ half an hour during trig.” Oh God. He was totally a fuckboy and Josh totally still had a crush on him. Josh was an idiot.

“I’m an idiot.” he sighed reluctantly, dropping himself heavily back onto Gabe’s chest with an _oof_ from Gabe.

“I can help take your mind off him, if you want.” Josh was grateful he didn’t have anything to spittake, because _what was that tone of voice_ , dark and sultry and coming from Gabe-the-attractive-college-kid. Pete cackled and Josh blushed fervently.

“Oh my _god_ , Saporta, do you have no misgivings?” Patrick sighed, voice breaking with laughter as Pete literally doubled over, wheezing and clutching his stomach. Josh felt like his face was going to start burning a hole into where he had buried it in Gabe’s chest,

“ _Besa mi culo_ ,” he replied heartily, “I’m serious. Like…like a friends-with-benefits one night stand thing.”

“Oh my god, we’re making this a bet.” Pete breathed out between laughter, and Josh looked up, feeling slightly horrified, because _friends with benefits, Pete Wentz_ and _bet_ did not add up to anything good. “I’m l-listening,” he said anyway, because Pete Wentz was Pete Wentz and he wouldn’t shut up unless you caved in to his demands - and Josh knew that from experience.

“If you do end up going through with this, you have to do something which, something which shows off your massive gay vibes. Like…Josh, you have to dye your hair pink, and Gabe, you have to wear something rainbow for like, the next month.” Gabe clapped his hands in glee and Josh groaned - because clearly college hadn’t changed Gabe at _all_ and he still _loved_ rainbow, like he was some 80’s mess meets a gay pride parade.

“And if we, if w-we don’t?” Josh asked.

“I’ll dye _my_ hair pink.” Pete answered, horribly confident.

“I’m in,” Gabe grinned, and Josh heard Patrick sigh quietly. Josh’s gaze travelled slowly across everyone in the room, them all (minus Joe) staring back at him. Whatever. If it helped him get over Tyler, right? And if not, Pete would look totally stupid with pink hair. It’d be fine. Whatever. Who needs _Tyler Joseph_.

“…fine,” Josh conceded.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obviously tyler would have issues with that anyway yay for gabe saporta i lov him im his #1 stan also im kinda losing motivation for this idk?? but this took forever to update so i made it 3k words rather than the usual average of like 1.5k. im working on two one shots also, one is danger days!au and one is jus kinda sad i guess but im clique af so thats taking up my time they're long as fuc


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahha i havent updated this in forever im so sorry  
> its almost 4k words forgive me

The next time Tyler saw Josh, his hair was bubblegum pink. He was leaning against a wall, talking to Pete Wentz, who _also_ had pink hair, albeit his was shockingly pink, hot pink and bright and awfully eye-catching, because _fuck,_ he was trying to avoid Josh after kissing him.

He’d felt like an idiot, such an _idiot_ , to be roped into hanging out with stoned idiots and _kissing_ a stoned idiot who was also the cause of what he was maybe-sorta admitting was a sexuality crisis _while he was in a fucking relationship_.

“I still can’t believe you and Gabey Baby _fucked!_ ” Wentz suddenly crowed, drawing a few eyes and raised brows towards where the two pink-headed seniors were standing. Josh suddenly turned an incriminating shade of red (not that Tyler was _looking_ , no) and frantically shushed Pete, who was looking immensely pleased with himself.

Tyler settled reluctantly against the wall opposite to them because they were standing _oh so conveniently_ opposite to his advanced English classroom. He sighed to himself, shifting his books in his arms and leaning back slowly. Joshua Dun. About seven of his friends - half of them people he didn’t even know; unknown numbers, had texted him angry texts asking him why he’d _ran out on josh u dick is ur dumb hypermasculinity that bad he thinks ur mad and r gonna talk shit on him ?? if u do i will fuck u up btw_ (courtesy of unknown number (917)400 0979, which, _okay_ , weird area code, did Josh have some sort of country-wide gang going on?) but they just didn’t _understand_ , okay, he couldn’t be _gay,_ he had a girlfriend for fucks sake - and parents who would be disappointed, and Blurryface, and his church to let down if he was. Plus kissing somebody else in hindsight was awfully like cheating, and he felt fucking guilty, because Jenna was the one he should be kissing, not a cute ( _not cute not cute NOT CUTE_ ) redhead-turned-pink.

Either way, he hadn’t responded to those messages. He’d deleted them, letting Blurry repeat them like a taunt in his head only the night before, spitting every innocent - if not slightly accusatory - word and twisting it into something ugly and malformed. Tyler still felt sad sometimes, and more so than ever when his own head(BLURRYFACEISNOTREAL) convinced him that Josh’s friends who were logically just looking out for him had pure malicious intent. Needless to say, he hadn’t slept much, and had filled almost three whole pages of his worn down notebook with disassembled words and half-lyrics. He’d brought it to school today, too, just in case, back in his locker. Tyler thought that his head’s violence was enough consequence for avoiding Josh, even after…after _kissing_ him, and running away.

“We didn’t _f-fuck_ , okay, k-keep your, your voice down, jesus,” Josh hissed, and fuck it, guilt-be-damned, how could he _not_ listen in on this? 

“Why’s your hair pink then, hm?” Pete responded smugly, to which Josh spluttered and then responded hotly, “w-why’s _yours_ pink? The deal w-was, was you d-d-dyed your hair if um, i-if you _lost_.”  
“Well, you know the answer to that already, idiot,” Pete chirped, ruffling Josh’s hair with one hand and consequentially dropping all of his books and a rather alarming number of chewed-down pens onto the scuffed floor. Josh sullenly kicked one of the pens away into the stampede of high school kids’ feet as they scurried towards their classes, and Tyler’s lips curled involuntarily into a smile when Pete made a high-pitched whining noise which drew baffled stares from a group of freshmen walking by. He could see why someone so loud and clearly personable was so popular. Tyler’d probably fucked up any chance of being friends with him, though, by kissing _stupid_ Joshua Dun. Stupid, stoned Joshua Dun with his _stupid_ weed-flushed cheeks and lidded eyes-shut up SHUT _UP_.

“Whatever, I-I still think you ch-cheated me into, into dying my hair, man.”

“Nuh uhh,” he replied, leaning into Josh’s side and voice dropping low enough that Tyler unconsciously leaned towards where they were standing across the hall, before catching himself and jerking back onto the wall, feeling embarrassed despite the fact that nobody was paying any attention to him whatsoever - thankfully, too, because then he would be pinned as ‘the weird kid listening in on conversations about people who may-or-may-not-have just had sex’. Tyler shuddered and continued to listen in - _eavesdrop, invasion of privacy_ _,_ a deep voice in his head reminded him - to Pete and Josh’s conversation.

“-blowjobs count as _sex,_ dude! It’s oral, but it’s still _sex._ Listen, it even says so in the title.”

“F-fucking shut up, oh, oh my god,” Josh groaned and Tyler bit back a laugh because he’d never heard anyone sound so scandalised before, but then again, Pete was openly discussing how sucking someone’s dick counted as sex (in a public space with people walking by, dear god, poor Josh), so Tyler could actually sympathise with the taller teenager. He wished he couldn’t. _Dammit, Joshua Dun, be more fucking dislikeable. Go kick a kitten or something, even though I’ve seen you with tiny little rescue kittens in your hair looking totally innocent and harmless. I’m trying here._

“You must have done something right, though, because Gabe invited you to a fucking _threesome_ _with him and Bill,_ oh my _god_ ,” Pete exclaimed cheerfully, bumping shoulders with Josh in a way that was clearly meant to be consolidating to his obvious, world-ending embarrassment but absolutely failed, and hold up, _what the fuck?_

Josh was clearly following the same thought pattern, because he actually stumbled and near-shrieked “He did _what?!_ ” loudly enough to rival the volume that Pete had reached earlier.

“Oh, yeah, Bilvy texted me about it. He said Gabe wanted you in to try some…uh, _things which we will not talk about in a public space_ with them and he was down for it, and before you ask, he texted it through me because Gabey Baby, bless his soul, wanted to make sure you went through with our bet,” Pete’s tone took on a gleeful lilt here, much to Tyler and Josh’s increasing horror, “fucking damn, man! He spared no detail. To quote, ‘Gabe was fucking crazy about it, he was all; _fuck Joshie, his mouth, wow-‘_ ”

“I-I’m going to kill you, and, and d-destroy everything you, uh, everything you love. Gabe’s next.” Josh interrupted in a remarkably monotone voice, and Tyler smiled despite himself again, dammit. Pete smiled conspiratorially, leaned closer to Josh, opened his mouth and- 

“Hey, Tyler!” 

Tyler yelped (it was an incredibly manly yelp, thank _you_ very much) in surprise and very nearly toppled over at the sudden sound of the mystery voice from his left, only to be stopped by a hand catching him by the arm.

“Oh, hi Dallon,” Tyler muttered sheepishly as he pulled his gaze away from his eavesdropping victims and turned to look at the tall senior who was holding Tyler’s arm and staring at him in amusement.

“Did you enjoy your trip?” he asked, “honestly, you shoulda written me a postcard.” He then chuckled as Tyler groaned, because that was honestly, the worst, fucking _dad-joke level_ bad pun he’d heard in a while. Dallon looked immensely proud of himself as he shifted a little closer to Tyler, readjusting his laptop and books underneath one shoulder and pulling his phone out of his pocket with the other. “Seriously, what were you looking at? Wentz? He’s not, uh, that much to look at,” Dallon grinned, following where Tyler was just looking, “and I’m pretty sure Patrick Stump would be pissed if you so much as touched his boyfriend. Like, murder-you-and-hide-your-body-where-noone-will-ever-find-it pissed.” Tyler squinted at him and raised his eyebrows incredulously. Was he really that nonchalant about them being…well, gay? Sure, it was 2015. But…actually, Tyler didn’t have a huge problem with people being gay - not like his dad did. He just didn’t want to be gay himself…right? So he wouldn’t piss of his dad and let Jenna down _and Blurryface haha theyre still\inyourhead_ \- which is why he thought being gay was…weird. _You’re projecting, Tyler_ , a snide voice in his head echoed, which, oh, that’s his therapists voice, and _oh, yeah, I am. I’m a dick._

“Did I say something wrong…? Oh boy, are you gonna get all homophobic on me? Please don’t, I _like_ telling you all my terrible puns,” Dallon exclaimed, sounding legitimately worried and somewhat annoyed already, and Tyler realised belatedly that he was squinting critically up at Dallon for probably-too-long. He shook himself ever so slightly, blinking, and smiled in a way he hoped was convincing, shaking his head.

“Nah, man, I’m just running low on caffeine, you know how it goes,” he responded, amping up the plastic smile when Dallon stared at him suspiciously for a few moments.

“…alright, sure, just..don’t be a dick, yeah? This is the 21st century, after all.” 

_Too late_. “Of course not, haha,” Tyler rubbed his eyes and glanced back at where Pete and Josh were standing. Pete was now standing on his toes, ruffling the other’s cotton candy hair while Josh laughed bashfully, Pete’s books a messy pile on the grotty high school floor. Tyler valiantly ignored the ugly wave of _something_ (certainly not jealousy, no, even though he _knew Pete was gay-_ no he has a boyfriend and a _stupid_ sappy romance, no, there’s no chance) that rose in his throat like bile.

“Speaking of the 21st century,” Dallon said, and Tyler ripped his gaze away, forcing it back to Dallon, who was now looking at his phone, “you know the Green Day album ‘21st Century Breakdown’, right?” Tyler hummed his confirmation, and Dallon grinned at his screen. “So some random number texted me last night,” he frowned momentarily, “about some pretty heavy shit. Some girl, I think, worried her boyfriend was cheating on her with - get this - _Jon Walker._ Gosh, _Jon Walker?_ Not much of a womaniser - I don’t think I’ve ever seen him touch a girl, not that that’s bad, of course. Jon’s a fool but he seems too nice to actually _cheat_ with anyone, y’know? But we’re the same area code and all, crazy shit, so I told her it was a wrong number and they weren’t even embarrassed, they just said, and I quote, ‘oh sorry _lol_ , anyway do you like Green Day because I’m listening to 21st Century breakdown and watching my friend dye their hair and it’s such a _good_ album, you know? Commercialised but brilliant’. Twenty minutes later and we’re still talking about music and this girl, she’s-she’s really _cool_ , you know? She has this cool vibe about her, I don’t know.” Tyler hummed again noncommittally, casually sneaking glances from where Dallon was still staring intently at his phone and where Josh and Pete were murmuring together quietly, friendlily, maybe a little _too_ friendly, and ok, Tyler, you need to stop. This is wrong to think about - _Jenna is your girlfriend._ You didn’t even talk or text her at _all_ this weekend…some boyfriend you are. You’ve been avoiding her, you dick.

“I hope I can be her rebound, y’know, if her boyfriend actually _is_ cheating on her…” his voice trailed off and he looked down at Tyler with a comically mortified expression on his face. 

“N-not that I _want_ him to be cheating on her, of course, god no, I j-just…you know what I mean,” he finished lamely, shifting to land wide, guilt-ridden doe eyes on the senior next to him and Tyler laughed. Dallon didn’t really need to make sure Tyler thought he was an angel, because hell, he _knew_ it. Everyone did.

Dallon was honest-to-god the purest person in the entire senior year level - he let _anyone_ crash on his couch after they got drunk or high and wanted to avoid parents, made them breakfast and gave them aspirin, so Tyler had heard, which was a _big_ deal in senior year. Dallon Weekes made terrible puns and smiled at everyone, volunteered at a fucking _animal shelter_ with Debby Ryan on weekdays, and worked with the homeless LGBT youth on weekends. He was a slightly-above-average student grade-wise, a tutor, and played bass like a motherfucker. He also - unbeknownst to him, as he was an angel, yes, but a _clueless_ one - practically had a _fanclub_ of girls (and a few guys, Tyler suspected) that wanted to get with him. Tyler had never known anyone so damn impossible to dislike.

“Yeah, yeah, sure, you’re a good person, whatever,” he replied lightly, rolling his eyes, and Dallon snorted, nudging Tyler lightly with one shoulder. 

“Better than you,” Dallon teased, and somewhere deep down, that stung, even if it was a joke. That’s _definitely_ true, Dallon, he wanted to say. You’re crushing on a random phone number and I’m having a sexuality crisis while I have a girlfriend. Hell, I _kissed_ a guy. That’s cheating in it’s own right. I’m a god damn cheat.

“You wish,” he replied instead, albeit a little weakly. Dallon glanced at him a little suspiciously at the unsteady sound of Tyler’s voice, but thankfully at that moment the teacher arrived, hustling them and a few other stragglers into the classroom and interrupting whatever Dallon was about to say. Phew. Tyler liked Dallon, honestly he did, but he wasn’t about to spill about his sexuality-and-also-cheating-crisis, no matter how spot-on conveniently topical the conversation was.

Ms West wasn’t a bad teacher - in fact, far from it. She was in her mid-twenties and let people use their phones in class, let them talk, nap, anything, as long as everybody listened while she talked and handed in their work in time and at-standard for the level of the class - which, fortunately for Tyler, was the moment Dallon and he sat down in two free desks next to one another, as Dallon was still looking at him oddly.

“Alright, morning class, hope you’re all awake. We’re doing poetry for these next few weeks - as I said last class - so now’s the time get your deepest, ugliest thoughts out, if you wanna fit in with the dead poet society.” A few laughs from various students - Dallon included. Tyler wasn’t smiling, suddenly all too aware of the black notebook he’d left in his backpack back in his locker. Fuck, did that qualify as poetry? It was deep and ugly, that’s for sure. On second thought, did he even lock his locker? He couldn’t remember, suddenly, oh god, what if someone went through his locker and found that fucking notebook? He’d never live it down - that was _private_ , too private for anyone but him and Blurry to see.

“Well…maybe not quite yet,” Ms West relented, “we’re starting this by doing a class on religious poems and how expressions of faith can be written and understood - or not - regardless of belief. It’s gonna be discussion-heavy, so no using your phones and slacking off today, alright?” A few groans of complaint, but there was a light sound of shuffling which implied people were putting their phones away; either way, the teacher looked pleased as she dug through her desk and triumphantly pulled out a small book.

“This is a copy of all books - sections, if you’ve not heard that term before - of _Paradise Lost,_ which was first published in 1667 by John Milton. It was on your booklist, so if you could bring it out, please.” there was another noise of books as students shuffled through their respective piles and bags to retrieve the book. At the same time around ten different seniors coughed loudly, a few of them muttering ‘I don’t have it…?’ or ‘someone stole mine what a world am I right’ or along those lines. Tyler stared dolefully at his copy. It wasn’t his poetry. Someone could be _reading his poetry. His shitty half-lyrics, right now_. How could anyone have the courage to publish this kind of stuff?

Ms West sighed loudly, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly and waving her free hand.

“Alright, I’ll let you off for just this week. Any of you left the copy in your locker? If you did, feel free to go get it.” Oh. _Oh._ He could go check that his locker was locked, easy, and then come back. No big deal. A few other students were rising from their seats, and Tyler quickly followed, fishing his wallet with his student ID from his pockets in case a hall monitor came by. He stuffed his copy of _Paradise Lost_ up the sleeve of his hoodie - thankfully it was a small book, and if he bent the paperback a little, oh well, he didn’t care that much for John Milton - just to make it look like he was _really_ going to his locker to retrieve his copy.

He glanced back at the door to his classroom as he left and, while distracted, in a classic display of his finesse and total lack of clumsiness, he walked straight into someone. Said someone let out a very undignified squeak as they collided, and immediately stuttered out a ‘oh, f-fuck, sorry!’ and, oh. 

Of course. Of course he would run into the one person he was trying to avoid.

“The universe hates me,” he said blankly, then instantly clamped his mouth shut, because _fuck did he honestly just say that out loud? What the everloving_ fuck, _Tyler Joseph?_

Joshua Dun made a strangled noise as Tyler spun around to stare at bubblegum boy. His eyes, Tyler noticed, were wide but smoldering with anger and his cheeks were tinged with embarrassment at the sight of him and he was suddenly filled with the desire to apologise for the-the _incident._

“Sorry, Josh…” he trailed off, looking anywhere but at Josh’s face and his bright pink hair. Oh, god, he _sucked someone’s dick_ to get that hair colour. Don’t look, dammit.

“Oh, yeah? For-for what, huh?” Josh practically _hissed_ , and shit, alright, Tyler needed to apologise right now. 

“Um, for running in to you…” Josh tensed up and Tyler winced. Okay, probably shouldn’t have put that first. “And for the other night. Um, I’d never, um, kissed a-a guy, and I felt bad because, um, I have a girlfriend?” Tyler chanced looking up at Josh. He’d relaxed ever so slightly, his eyes a little less harshly angry, but he was still tense and coiled and _no_ , Tyler’s morals couldn’t handle this.

“You know what, no, okay, come with me,” Tyler said, grabbing Josh’s wrist and successfully ignoring both Josh’s flinch at the sudden touch and the thrill of worry that it brought with it. Josh made a startled noise as he was suddenly pulled forward.

“W-what? Where are we, we g-going, Tyler? We c-can’t, can’t just _leave,”_ he cried dutifully, but he wasn’t resisting against Tyler pulling him towards reception and, well. Actions speak louder than words.

“We’re gonna go to Taco Bell, or something, to apologise, and we’re gonna talk, and be friends, because that’s what I want. Um.” _That’s right Tyler! Be aggressive, not passive! You’re the_ man!

Tyler stopped by his locker, and _yes!_ His locker was locked. All was well - his ugly thoughts were safe, and still for his eyes alone. He unlocked it casually and pulled his backpack out of his mess of pens and stray textbooks, shaking off a few straggling pieces of lint while Josh spluttered behind him. When he turned to see Josh glancing bemusedly between him and his phone, he valiantly ignored yet another surge of affection because what the fuck, okay, he looked like a kitten. A pink, sex-haired kitten… _and abandoning that train of thought right about now._

“I…um. I don’t have my wallet on me,” Josh replied sheepishly, gaze fixing on somewhere just below Tyler’s eyes.

“That’s okay, I’ll pay. I’ve been enough of a dick.” _Oh yes Tyler, taking him out for lunch_ and _paying. Just label it a fucking date already._ Tyler grabbed Josh’s hand this time, not the wrist, ignoring again how Josh let out a squeak and immediately looked down to the floor and pulled him into reception.

Josh signed them both out, him valiantly ignoring the glower and dark look the receptionist sent his way - wow, they must not get along - and the much gentler, more confused look she sent to Tyler. He trudged outside and turned to Tyler, blushing up to his hairline and not quite meeting his eyes. Tyler stared back, and to his surprise found himself blushing too.

Josh _was_ cute, Tyler mused almost reluctantly, eyes flicking him over thoughtfully. A _Saves The Day_ hoodie and black skinny jeans which did everything for his thighs (not that Tyler was looking at his thighs, don’t be ridiculous) and oh my god, combat boots, how punk rock. The pink (SEX shut up Tyler) hair made his face look more innocent, sweeter somehow, than the firetruck red had. He thought back to his Instagram post of Josh (only a few hours before _the incident_ ) and how about seven girls had commented on his looks. One girl had even messaged Tyler asking for Josh’s number. Ashley, her name was, he thought. He understood why they had.

“Well…? Do you h-have a, um, do you have a c-car?” Josh asked once the silence stretched for just a fraction too long. Tyler snapped out of his reverie, feeling suddenly and mysteriously emboldened - perhaps by the fact that they were still holding hands.   
“Oh, fuck it,” he sighed, running his free hand through his hair. “If you’re the cause of my rising fucking sexuality crisis we may as well talk it over while I take you to lunch like the fucking date that it totally-isn’t-because-I-have-a-girlfriend. C’mon, bubblegum boy. I have a car.” 

Josh choked on whatever he’d been about to say and Tyler marched off towards the nearby street where he’d parked without waiting for a response, not bothering to look back as he pulled his keys from his pocket.. 

Tyler couldn’t help feeling just a little powerful when he heard Josh swallow audibly and the sound of his boots on the asphalt as he jogged to catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got super high last weekend and decided it was a good idea to call my mother (who i havent spoken to in about 9 months) and tell her hey im gay  
> what a STUPPID plan


End file.
